Jackson Free Press

This afternoon Arlen Specter (R-Pennsylvania) announced he is joining the Wu-Tang Clan, a prominent, loosely organized group of hardcore rappers that first formed in the early '90s.
At a press conference with all 9 original members, including the RZA, GZA (pronounced "Rizza" and "Jizza") and Method Man, a visibly disoriented Specter read from a prepared statement:

"My life had got no better, same damn 'Lo sweater. Times is rough and tough like leather," said the senior senator of his 29-year membership with the GOP. "I figured out I went the wrong route. So I got with a sick tight clique and went all out."

After Specter finished reading his statement, the members of the Wu took questions.

"We're just happy to have Mr. Specter on board," said Ghostface Killa, who because of the room's low-lying cloud of smoke was barely visible. "When he contacted my office this morning, what else could I tell him but 'Welcome Aboard!"

"It's hard to argue with 29 years of Senate experience," said the ghost of Ol' Dirty Bastard. "In this economy, even a multi-platinum, grammy-nominated super group needs as much help as possible."

The press conference ended abruptly after Inspectah Deck lambasted the press corps for its overreporting of Somali pirates, Obama's new dog, and the Swine Flu "pandemic" in the middle of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression.

Bryan Doyle is a freelance writer currently living in Washington, D.C. Contact him at bryan.doyle15[at]gmail.com

Previous Comments

ID

146401

Comment

WU TANG CLAN AIN'T NOTHIN' TO F*CK WITH! In addition, the Wu would like to make it known that we will be formally welcoming our new member with a tea reception in the Mural Room of the White House. Press credentials will be issued at a later date. Thank you, and have a nice day.

Author

raekwonthechef615

Date

2009-04-28T12:20:16-06:00

ID

146411

Comment

Only if the ODB were around to see this.

Author

golden eagle

Date

2009-04-28T13:40:59-06:00

ID

146423

Comment

Nice, Bryan. (This post has gone viral–responsible for the crazy traffic of the last couple hours.)

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2009-04-28T15:30:27-06:00

ID

146427

Comment

Ladd, be careful with the "v" word. People is ready to panic.

Author

WMartin

Date

2009-04-28T17:27:39-06:00

ID

146428

Comment

Wait......................................can you do this? ha

Author

....

Date

2009-04-28T17:42:29-06:00

ID

146429

Comment

Good point, WMartin. Any excuse for stress, I suppose.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2009-04-28T17:54:21-06:00

ID

146435

Comment

Thx Donna et all. One of the few scenarios where a dual love of politics and early 90s rap actually comes in handy. More on the way I hope.

Author

bryan doyle

Date

2009-04-28T20:13:01-06:00