Jackson Free Press

Dr. S is very happy about the Angels' 2-1 lead over the Sons of Satan in the World Series. Have you checked out Giants catcher Benito Santiago? The guy looks rough. I didn't know you could still play in the majors at age 60. Wasn't he the guy Alan Ladd killed at the end of "Shane"?

It's time again for our man in the bayous, the fabulous Fester. Dr. S is pleased to see that Fester opens this week's rant with a insightful critique of The (Baton Rouge) Advocate. The Advocate is one of the world's best newspapers --- for your dog to poop on.

Fester sez:

EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY TO THESE PEOPLE: Anybody find the opponents locker room story in The Sunday Advocate yet? That Sam King column was enlightening - the first 14 times it was written since 1968 - but Fester would've really appreciated mo' bettuh Lou's take on the wilting of the Cocks. And what's up with the SEC standings/schedule box? Why is it so damned difficult to place it on the SEC game pages every week? One more thing on this topic - there should be some type of contractual prohibition of Advocate employees appearing on Lee Mindfog's weekly "sports" show. Don't they embarrass the operation enough on a daily basis?

THEATRE OF THE BIZARRE: (1) Didja happen to see the end of the Division I-AA Furman-Appalachian State game last week? 4th-ranked Furman scores a touchdown to go up on 5th-ranked ASU 15-14 with 7 point something seconds left. Hoping to avoid a blocked kick and a two-point return and an agonizingly horrible defeat yanked from the jaws of victory, Furman goes for two. You guessed it - a turnover and a two-point return and an agonizingly horrible 16-15 defeat yanked from the jaws of victory. (2) Down 20-17 to the Bears with seven (7) seconds left, Detroit had a first and goal at the Chicago one. Following a two-second incompletion - any Ole Miss Rebels reading that? - the Lions inexplicably run another play whereupon Joey Harrington is sacked and time expires. The whole agonizingly horrible thing again, right? Wrong. False start Lions, no play. Cleverly, they then kick the game-tying FG and win it with a three on the first possession of the overtime. Incompetence does have its rewards. (3) That rolling thunder heard around 3 p.m. Sunday afternoon was George Halas spinning in his grave as San Francisco Head Shrink Steve Mariucci declined a Saints offensive penalty and allowed a New Orleans touchdown to stand. While it may in fact have been the best game strategy at that point, purists had to be shell-shocked. "I've never done that before; has anybody even seen one?" asked Mariucci. "But it seemed to make sense. It was hard to do, but otherwise we're not getting the ball back." He's exactly right on that count. (4) In light of the ostensible season-ending foot injury to Matt Mauck, there were some rumblings in Baton Rouge this week about the propriety of Mauck running a QB draw against Florida with some seven (7) minutes left in a 36-7 drubbing of the Gators. Apparently no rumblings in King Jackie's domain, however, as Mississippi State starting QB Kevin Fant didn't play against Memphis Saturday night due to an "ankle and Achilles injury" sustained against Troy State the previous week Running a QB draw. With 24 seconds left in the game.

MINDLESS BANTER: File this one away - you can bet their upcoming opponents already have: Vanderbilt rushed 44 times for 234 yards on Georgia…..Rushing lines from Bama's 42-7 pasting of Coach Cut: Tide 43-234; Rebels 28-4…..South Carolina exceeded LSU's game average of 208 yards given up with 212 first half yards Saturday night. Holtz and company finished with 275 total net yards…..Ahh, the good old days: Mississippi State rushed for 197 yards on 49 carries while limiting Memphis to 58 yards on 19 totes. Both the 3-4 Dogs and 2-5 Tigers finished with 346 total net yards. The Dogs have an open week this Saturday and then it's KENTUCKY-Alabama-TENNESSEE-ARKANSAS-Ole Miss. Atlanta-Bound, Bay-Bay!!!…..Notre Dame..naaah, forget it…..Fester's been holding out as long as he can, but (cringe) kudos to Chris Simms and Mack Brown and Texas for a big win at Kansas State when every indicator pointed toward the Longhorns laying an egg. The Wildcats are now 2-23 against Top 10 teams in the Bill Snyder era…..Sounds like the Faust era at ?????