Jackson Free Press

Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is in jail. So it's time for a sale! Pookie Peterz, your international hustler, has capitalized on other people's property, and he is coming to your city with the greatest sale of 2003. Since the recent fall and capture of the totalitarian Iraqi leader, Pookie and his Hustler's international retail experts have smuggled—oops, I mean acquired—several valuable items from the headquarters and palaces of the former Iraqi dictator.

Pookie and the gang are very anxious and eager to quickly sell these items to the public through the Down with O.P.P., Yeah, You Know Me Retail and Furniture Liquidation Blowout!

So if you are down with other people's property, make a deal with the "Monte Hall" of secondhand items, which range from designer clothes to customized luxury cars, from taste-testers' crystal glasses and gold silverware to engraved semi-automatic weapons, and lots and lots of furniture. Sorry, weapons of mass destruction are not available for sale because they have not been located, yet.

And for those individuals who want to wheel and deal with Pookie Peterz and company via the Internet, go to the O.P.P. Yeah, You Know Me-E-Bay Web site at http://www.REALLYHOTTMerchandisefromIraq.com to buy yourself a really hot item for a really good price.

Remember: The merchandise is selling fast, especially on the streets.

Cash, credit and debit-card purchases are strongly suggested. Purchases over the phone are not allowed due to "PATRIOT Act" restrictions. Remember: Pookie's always down with O.P.P.

Happy New Year! And prepare to be fleeced in 2004!

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.