Jackson Free Press

Concert and event promoters: Have I got an idea for you! Man, this could be the biggest gala event in the "state of minds" of Mississippians! I'm thinking of a retirement celebration for Col. Reb. Let's call it the "Stone Soul" picnic, disco, gun show and hiphop concert featuring guest M.C. George Bushy, D.J. Dick "Off the" Cheney and Secretary of "D-Fence" Rumsfeld's Weapons of Mass Destruction Search Posse performing the chart-climbing single "Back Dem Tanks Up"; the new millennium world beat hit (oops, I did say hit?) "Preemption Song"; and the billboard No. 1 single "Air Strike: Drop It Like It's Hott!"

The token African-American duet of Colin and Condoleeza will open this event performing their R&B single "Give Peace in the Middle East a Chance" and the remake of "Why Can't We Be Friends."

And don't forget to check out the S.E.C. Boyz with their hiphop single "Yo Martha Stewart! Where the Dollars at Behind this Preposition?"

As the fans give their farewell to Col. Reb, ret., the event closes with an Electric Slyde and River Dance to the music of Dixie (performed by the Dixie Chicks), followed by fireworks and light show.

Hey! This is a show no one should miss!

Look for me in the front row seat. I'll see you there!

Your resident Satirist,
Ken Stiggers

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson. He is featured regularly in the JFP.