Jackson Free Press

Season's greetings, folkses! This is your favorite non-black, Mo'tel Williams, along with the Sausage Sandwich Sisters, also known as the Electric Slide Ambassadors for World Peace and Rent Money. We know that 2003 has been a year of putrid mouths spewing out foul phrases. Now the air is polluted with negative thoughts as misinformed masses bask in lethargy and apathy because the world is at war, the economy is in decay, nations are in conflict, religion is steeped in controversy, the issue of race remains unsolved and Girls Gone Wild Doggy Style. And if you hear anyone say, "life stinks," it's because the world has a bad case of halitosis.

Despite the rancid realities of a bad breath world, the human family must face the challenges ahead and learn to coexist. During this chitlin' season, we want to provide a fresh new outlook and solution for the new year by promoting world peace through fresh breath. So I, Mo'tel Williams, along with the Sausage Sandwich Sisters present: The Christmas Breath Mint Festival for World Peace and Rent Money Disco Tour. We have targeted our festival/tour for the greater central Mississippi area, which suffers from a negatively polluted environment. Our Christmas Breath Mint tour bus will come to your community and pass out free breath mint samples to every citizen. Also, the Sausage Sandwich Sisters will conduct an Electric Slide for World Peace, Fresh Breath and Rent Money Unity Dance to the Martha and the Vandellas' hit "Dancing in the Streets."

The Christmas Breath Mint Festival for World Peace and Rent Money is our way of creating peace, love, happiness, dignity and coexistence during this holiday season. Imagine one day when we all shall pop some Tic-Tacs in our mouths, study war no more and put an end to all of this foolishness. Hey! I think we might earn a Nobel Peace Prize for this!
Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.