Jackson Free Press

Sept. 17, 2003

"I'm sick and tired of hearin' your song tellin' us how you're gonna change right from wrong. Well, if you really want to hear my view, you haven't done nothin' "
— Stevie Wonder

Ladies and Gentlemensez,
Indeed, fall is the season for politics! And the Mo'tel Williams Non-Blacks for Arnold Get Up Off Your Haaggendas and Vote Project proudly presents: Message from the Candidates.

Hi, I'm Gary Coleman (aka Arnold), the cute little Afro-American kid from the '70s sitcom "Different Strokes." And I'm here to tell you all that the world does not move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. ... It takes different strokes to move the world. ... So I'm urging you (the public) to get up off of your haaggendas and move the world! Register to vote for me to be your governor of California. Remember: As a child star, I sued my parents regarding my income and royalties. And, really, I'm not the jerk that some cable networks portray me as. Despite my size, I am very capable of handling various issues. Thank you!

Yah! This is Awnald! (Arnold Schwarzenegger).You might remember-haaggen me from my days as a buffed bodybuilder-haaggen and as an action movie-haaggen star. Yah! I was even a kindergarten teacher-haaggen in that movie "Kindergarten Cop-pen-haaggen." Despite my thick Viennese accent-haaggen, I possess-en-haaggen great intelligence-haaggen, and I am the man of the people. Yah! So in the words of the Godfather-haaggen of Soul, "Get up off-en-haaggen that thang!" Register and vote-n-haaggen for Awnald as your governor of California. Yah!

This message is paid for by the producers of the Gary Coleman reality TV series "What You Talkin' 'Bout Awnald!" and the action thriller made-for-TV movie "Prop 49: Ebonics in the Hood-en-haagen."
Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.