Jackson Free Press

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Detective Agency is looking for a few good people! Now, a few words from our founder head inspector/agent Mr. Cholly Banks.

Greetings! Outsourcing American jobs has been an issue and a reality these days. And while chief executive officers and upper management maintain their white-collar jobs, the blue-collar worker falls prey to factory downsizing, layoffs and, subsequently, unemployment. Well, Mr. Cholly says, "There is hope for victims of this current reality!"

If you are able to work hard and long hours and willing to protect your country, the WMD Detective Agency needs bright, industrious people like you to help counter threats of terrorism! Currently, we have openings for the following jobs: Patriot Act Investigative Negotiator (codename P.A.I.N.), Weapons Search Technician, Telecommunications Espionage Specialist (codename Busybody), and the very exciting No Search Warrant Break in Pre-emptive Strike Agent.

The WMD Detective Agency requires potential employees to attend an intensive three-month seminar of pre-emptive strike intelligence/weapons search training and sign a lifetime no-Medicaid-health insurance-and-Social Security-benefits contract. Salary and/or wages are non-negotiable. Background check is mandatory. Upon completion of training and the 9-11 investigations, Dr. Condoleeza Rice, Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Vice President Dick Cheney will induct new WMD detectives into the agency.

If you are unemployed, take this opportunity to be a part of "America's Team." Be a super sleuth hero courtesy of the WMD Detective Agency. Call our Job Line at 1-800-Sneakie.

Remember our Slogan: An ounce of pre-emption is worth a lot of privacy.

Ken Stiggers is a TV producer in Jackson.