Jackson Free Press

Bone-Qweesha Jones here to inform yawl on the holiday happenings with the "Chrimmus" Report. If you can't afford to take your kids to the mall, shop at Jo-Jo's Discount Dollar Sto', where everythang's a dollar! This year Jo-Jo will have an African-American Santa Claus for the children. The regularly scheduled Santa canceled this season because Jo-Jo laid off the parking lot security guards. And with the economy the way it is, Ol' St. Nick doesn't want to be caught in the 'hood after sundown.

Ghetto economist Pookie and the Ghetto Science Team will hold a pre-holiday credit counseling service seminar titled "What do broke folk do at Chrimmus!" The topic of discussion is: How to hold five dollars and pay it back. Call 1-800-NO-DEBTS for more info.

Finally, Ghetto folk artist extraordinaire, Bruh Sylvester, has mass-produced an unusual holiday item for sale. I suggested that he supplement his Social Security income by producing "Mistletoe" art to sell during the holidays. I think Sylvester misunderstood me because he placed a plastic foot—with a missing "pinky" toe—inside a green wreath and called it "Missin' Toe" art. All I have to say is: "Old Man Sly is getting' paid this Chrimmus!"

Bone-Qweesha says, "Happy holidays!" And as G.W. makes the world go 'round, remember the Kwanzaa principle of cooperative economics (Kugichagulia). Also don't forget the Lyric Lounge's tribute to Ken Stiggers, resident satirist and JFP columnist, 9 p.m. Dec. 23 at Daiquiri World. (Don't tell him, though. It's a surprise.)

Ken Stiggers is a TV producer in Jackson. He is also the co-host of Lyric Lounge open mic poetry every Thursday night at Daiquiri World.