Jackson Free Press

Your international hustler is here to help the peoples who drive their raggedy cars to a low-paying, no- Medicaid-benefits job with the greatest invention since the Pocket Fisherman.

Pookie Peterz presents the Hoopty Motor Clubb Card. Use it at approved gas stations and quick auto-repair and oil change-n-lube centers in your area to receive gasoline and automobile discounts just like the Iraqis. Yes, purchase your gas as low as five cent a gallon!

To qualify for the Hoopty Motor Clubb Card, you must own a hoopty, live below the poverty line or work from paycheck to paycheck. Former Enron and Worldcom employees who have not found a job yet must submit proof via a valid letter of termination from either of the chief executive officers. All must fulfill additional Hoopty qualifications:

Your car is a hoopty when …
• Fix-A-Flat substitutes for a spare tire.
• 2 floor mats cover a big rust hole on the driver side.
• An oil rag functions as a defogger.
• A boom-box-radio operates as a car stereo system.
• You pay cash for your car.

Do not allow the inflated economy to limit your life. Join Pookie and become a card-carrying member of the Hoopty Motor Clubb. Order your card today! Send $19.99 plus state tax, Tic Tacs and shoe tacks to:
Hoopty Motor Clubb Card
P.O. 779311 multiplied by how many people watched the O.J. Simpson interview last week Waycross, Ga. 30347-½

To order by phone, call 1-800-hooptee.

WIC vouchers and food stamps are accepted.

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.