Jackson Free Press

The following is an important message from Pookie Peterz of Hustlers International Inc.
People on the street have expressed their concerns to me, Pookie Peterz, about rising gas prices and possible shortages forecast for this summer. Recently, a financially challenged commuter asked, "Pookie, how is my broke behind gonna get to my low-payin' job drivin' my raggedy ol' ride?" Then I wondered: Will the summer of '04 be one of gas stations filled with long lines of gas guzzlin' cars ranging from SUVs to smoke-spewing hoopties. And what will happen when someone finally arrives at the fuel pump and there is no gas?

Well people, I say, "Have no fear, F.A.R.T.S.: The Natural Choice will save the day!" Fuel Alternatives for Road Transportation Solutions is a new program designed to alleviate the inconveniences of possible gas price hikes and shortages.

Since the fuel crisis of 1973, my Hustlers International Ghetto Science Team and the George Washington Carver Holistic Health Commission of Tuskegee, Ala., have researched and developed several fuel alternatives—such as Aunt Willa-Mae's X cubed corn whiskey and the harnessing/production of natural gas (if you know what I mean)—that will make future crises more bearable.

The Chi Lites sang, "People make the world go round…" Imagine a world where manmade crises prevent the productivity of the common man and woman. Bruh Pookie hopes we don't get caught with our pants down.

If you want more information about "F.A.R.T.S.: The Natural Choice," call our toll-free hotline number at 1-800-I-POOTED.
Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson. He is co-host of the Lyric Lounge at C's Deli on Friday nights.