Jackson Free Press

The "Nu Apprentice: First Hired, Last Fired," starring Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, will return after this message.

Clubb Booty N the Daytyme Digital Photography Centers, International, and the Donald Trump Temporary Corporate Employment Agency present: "Counter Surveillance Tips with Mo'tel and Pookie." Hey Folkses! While Pookie and I get our jherri curls hair did, check out our counter surveillance tips-o-the-week.

1. Be aware. Please be forewarned that someone is watchin'. You cannot get something off yo chest by exposing your bosoms. Showin' your booty cheeks doesn't help, either. You're just making a donkey of yourself.

2. Be inconspicuous. Frequent small, intimate gatherings like a po'try reading, book signing, jazz set, etc. And don't become a guest on the Jerry Springtymer Sho' talkin' 'bout getting' revenge on yo' cheatin' mate because he/she made love to yo' first cousin's third wife at the Motel Six on yo' fifth weddin' anniversary.

3. Be careful. If you have to get your dance on at a booty club or attend a high-volume public event, anticipate the unexpected, such as a government agency arresting everybody in the joint. The CIA or FBI might get the urge like the Calgon lady and take you all away.

4. Be courteous to authority figures, like the police, security guards and other officials. Yes, you have yo' rights. But if you tick off an authority figure, you'll get yo' rights—a night stick right up side yo' head.

And if all the above fail, just stay outta trouble and be yo' self.

Back to our programmed society.

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.