Jackson Free Press

Praise the Lord, Jill is No. 1! Again, The New York Times confirms what we all know anyway: Southerners are the best darn writers on the planet. Now, Jill Conner Browne will try to tell you that the Sweet Potato Queens canon is not literature, but any intelligent, fun-loving woman in the South, or the world for that matter, begs to differ. If "Make me laugh and buy me sparkly things, and I am yours" isn't a timeless and cultural universal, I don't know what is. Hence, literature. I know I'm right about this.

Best of all, "The Sweet Potato Queens Field Guide to Men" (Three Rivers Press, 2004, $13.95) has hopefully pushed "He's Just Not That Into You" (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2004, $19.95) out of the single-chick spotlight. I think most men would be likewise thankful. While Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo speak truth in that book, I believe Jill Conner Browne speaks it without kicking men out of the picture altogether. Yes, you can have a Bud Spud and not sleep with him. Even better, he can still buy you stuff.

And, please, leave me alone already. Yes, I read "He's Just Not That Into You." I know he's not that into me, and I don't need a book to tell me so, let alone Oprah. What you do not realize is that my friends and I had this "he's just not that into you" dogma long before it became so hip.
We call it, "It ain't me."

One Friday, I had an amazing job interview with a woman I thought I had just clicked with. I was told a decision would be made by Monday. By Wednesday, I had heard not one word from this amazing woman. I had sent the thank-you note. I had professionally followed up, but I just was not getting a response.

So I called the receptionist all sneaky like. Have they hired someone? "Yes," says receptionist. I ask if she knows who it was. She asks, "You were the teacher, right?" YES! I was the teacher! Receptionist puts me on hold, then comes back with, "It ain't you." Simple as that. It ain't me.

Well, heck. I thought it had gone so well. I felt a bit led on. It hurt, and I was upset, but I soon realized, "Good. It's not me. Carry on." I had been rejected for jobs before that I thought I had to have, and then saw the companies go belly-up a year later. Or lay off a ton of people.
But then girlfriend calls me back and says: "I'm sorry. I messed up. No. They haven't hired anyone, yet."

I was hired within 24 hours and started early the next week. Yet the "It ain't you" statement has been a part of our vernacular since.

It's the "It just wasn't meant to be" of our circle. It's when a planned girl-trip falls through, or we can't arrange a sitter for a night out. And yes, it extends to when he is "just not that into you."

For example, that guy who cooked me dinner called for a few weeks and then read my column and hasn't called since. I believe his last statement was something like, "A guy takes a chance dating you because he could end up in your column." Yep. He sure does take that chance. Even the ones who aren't that into me.

I have an eclectic collection of "It ain't you" from men I've dated. I'm too confident. I'm not needy enough. (I swear that one had me rolling on the floor.) I'm too liberal. (What a loaded word for a girl who just thinks racism is wrong. I got family values, too, I promise.) I'm too religious. And I'm sure for some, I'm just not the aesthetic they were looking for. It ain't me.

Good. I'm sure in the long run it wouldn't be them, either.

I do agree with Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo to a degree. If a man claims commitment issues, no time to call or any of the other 18 kabillion excuses we chicks have heard, he is really yelling, "It ain't you!"

But can I just give men some credit? I've yet to date a man in my adulthood who has not been honest from the beginning about his intentions. All we have to do is listen. I believe we are much smarter than Greg and Liz give us credit for. I'm not so sure we are waiting by the phone for a man to call anymore.

You know why? Because we have sisters like Jill Conner Browne who know that chickhood is about so much more than finding a man to marry. Some of us have been there, done that, got the diamond and pawned it last week. But most of us are too busy writing books and raising children and volunteering and getting educated and praising God and loving life to really sweat waiting on a call right now.

Now don't misunderstand: I still don't think we should go calling them. They do still love the chase, and we still love the attention, so that all comes out in the wash. But for the love of jewelry, if he isn't calling and it's keeping you up at night, then girl, go find a hobby. Because that ain't him. It's you!

Emily Braden is a free-lance writer and mom who lives in Rankin County with her son Patrick and her dog Zeke.

Previous Comments

ID

69499

Comment

Well done again, Ms. Emily. Dont think twice, its alright.

Author

Willezurmacht

Date

2004-11-17T15:32:57-06:00

ID

69500

Comment

Love it. Great job, Emily.

Author

Melissa

Date

2004-12-11T10:13:46-06:00