Jackson Free Press

It's time for your Bonqweesha On-The-Scene Report. Sitting in for Bonqweesha Jones is Sista Church Hat of the Greater Vegetarian Church, International.

Sista Church Hat: "Have mercy! Have mercy! I'm standing outside of bruh Elmo Jackson's Salvage and Junk Yard anticipating the unveiling of his latest invention: The Bicycle Transportation Generator and Kitchen Rotisserie Machine. Bruh Elmo is the Ghetto Science Team's version of Ron Popiel. With various items from his junkyard, he has rigged a device that will help the working poor survive in a price-gouging world.

"Bruh Elmo, whose idea was inspired by Thoreau's book "Walden," told me that the financially challenged must maintain the necessities of transportation, energy and food preparation. And, as long as G.W. makes the world go round, the B.T.G.K.R. machine should fulfill the people's needs.

"What is the B.T.G.K.R. machine? It's a bicycle for transportation: Why have a car when you cannot afford the gasoline? It generates electricity: Just pedal away and keep your lights on! And it functions as a rotisserie: Cook your favorite foods and generate electricity simultaneously!"

"Bruh Elmo says: 'No car notes plus no energy bills equals peace of mind, body and spirit." Sista Church Hat believes that bruh Elmo Johnson's Bicycle Transportation Generator and Kitchen Rotisserie machine will revolutionize the world, amen! Also, Ghetto Energy Alternatives and Road Transportation Solutions and the World Bicycle Association, International, endorse the B.T.G.K.R machine.'

"OK, It's time for the unveiling! Sista Church Hat reporting."

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson and the co-host of The Lyric Lounge Thursdays at Santiago's.