Jackson Free Press

Pookie Peterz and the Ghetto Economic Development Association present the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank.

Working class individuals! Are yo' unemployed friends, relatives and associates always asking you for a five-dollar loan? Is yo' mind telling them no, but the hand in yo' soon-to-be-empty pocket is telling them yes?

In the paraphrased words of bruh R. Kelly, I don't see anything wrong with directing folk to the L.M.H.F.D. National Bank. Check out these great testimonials!

Ms. Where-The-Dollars-At: I was short on cash and couldn't pay my pre-paid cell phone bill. Cousin BoneQweesha told me about a bank that would let me hold five dollars. I didn't lose my phone service, and I promise to pay the bank back next month. Thank you, L.M.H.F.D.!

Mr. Broke-Busted-N-Disgusted: Paid the rent and utilities. No food in the Fridgidaire. The Community Meat Market had a sale on bologna, bread and sweetened Kool-aid! When I got my small loan from L.M.H.F.D. National Bank, I had Kool-aid and fried bologna sammiches for days!

Desperate-N-Needy: I sent Oprah an extremely urgent letter demanding that she let me hold five dollars. She wrote me back saying that I should go to L.M.H.F.D. National Bank.

Can't make it from check to check? Swallow yo' pride and ask the bank that cares. Your friends at L.M.H.F.D. National Bank will let you hold five dollars, but you gotta pay them back! Come see us!

Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson and the co-host of the Lyric Lounge Thursdays at Santiago's.