Jackson Free Press

Oh, y'all have got to read this article. Especially you, Ali. Excerpt:

"Psst! George! God here, taking a break from supervising the well-being of eight billion troubled souls along with infinite galaxies of unimaginable vastness to speak with you directly one more time because, well, you're special, aren't you, George? Yes you are! Yes you are! OK, stop giggling. I have more commands. Get off the damn hobbyhorse, George, and get a pen and a notepad. No, not a crayon. I don't care if blue is your favori-- George! Get a pen! OK? Good. Here we go:

"As you know, I'm not quite what everyone thinks. I am not all benevolence and love and light. In fact, I have a downright dark side, mean and nasty and cunning, and I want you, George, to continue to be my special right-hand man. My special little guy. In fact, you shall help enact my wrath, Dubya. Doesn't that sound fun?

"There are three things I love, George: war, revenge, suffering. Oh, and smiting the heathens. OK, four things. And kickboxing. Five things. There are five things I love, Dubya. You with me? And you and your demon monkeys are enacting the first four admirably, George. Don't be shy, go ahead and tell those Palestinian officials you were commanded by God to 'restore peace' in the Middle East by bombing nearly defenseless, pip-squeak Iraq and Afghanistan to smithereens. They love that stuff.

"But let's put the delicious war stuff aside for a moment. I need to round out my oeuvre. Here's the plan: I'm gonna wreak some major havoc on one of your poorest, most racially mixed, underfunded cities by hurling a massive hurricane at them, flooding the place and killing hundreds of poor people you don't even know exist because you thought they all lived somewhere in Africa. It's all right, the biggest city, New Orleans, will be full of Kerry-loving Democrats. Yeah, I thought you'd like that..."

Previous Comments

ID

103165

Comment

I almost lost it when I read this... Here's the truth, Dubya: Earth's a giant liver-flavored Kong toy and you're a rabid terrier. Now, go get it, boy! That was great!

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-10-12T15:29:06-06:00

ID

103166

Comment

Glad you liked it. My first thought when I ran across the article was "Gosh, Ali would get a kick out of this." Well, no, that's not quite true. My first thought had to do with building sculptures out of frozen sauerkraut. My second thought was that Donald Rumsfeld needs to play Grandpa on somebody's sitcom. My third thought was that the sitcom ought to be cancelled. But my fourth thought was definitely that Ali would get a kick out of this. Enjoying your blog, too, grrl! Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-10-12T15:36:07-06:00

ID

103167

Comment

Whoops. Having an italicized moment, there. But that only means that everything is of universal importance and therefore worth emphasizing. The unbearable heaviness of being. Or something. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-10-12T15:37:15-06:00

ID

103168

Comment

Okay, let's try this...

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-10-12T15:38:17-06:00

ID

103169

Comment

You're going to have to go back into the post and close it. I think the tag is left out up there somewhere..

Author

Lori G

Date

2005-10-12T15:38:32-06:00

ID

103170

Comment

THERE we go! Thanks. I knew I left that extra < i > somewhere... But now that I slashed it out, it's a discount tag. Okay, that was almost funny. Almost. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2005-10-12T15:41:51-06:00