Jackson Free Press

Tyler Luna, 18, who is from Terry, Miss., and Brandon Tate, 21, who is from Baton Rouge, La., are approaching their first anniversary. They live together in Brandon.

How did you meet?

Tyler: At a friend's house in Baton Rouge, La.

How did it proceed then?

Brandon: There's a dance club in Baton Rouge called Splash that a lot of gays and lesbians go to, so that night after we got back from eating at the restaurant, I asked him if he wanted to go there with me.

Tyler: I think we actually connected at the restaurant. He tried to look big and bad and pay everybody's bill. It took them forever to run his credit card, and everybody else went outside. I sat there with him while he was waiting for his receipt and we got to talking.

Were you both single at the time?

Brandon: Yes

Tyler: Single and not looking.

What do you envision for your future together?

Tyler: I see us being together for a long time. Everything will be ours, not mine, not his but ours.

Brandon: It's still kind of scary right now to plan everything, but if it came to point where we wanted to commit to spending the rest of our lives together—and I do think we'll get to that point.

Tyler: We don't need a piece of paper to tell us that.

Brandon: Exactly. And if we wanted to have a marriage ceremony, it may not be recognized by the state, but according to us and the witnesses that were there, it would be our wedding.

Do you think gay marriage should be legal?

Tyler: Oh, yeah.

Brandon: Definitely.

Do you ever think of having children?

Tyler: I do. I want kids.

Brandon: We actually talk about that a lot.

Tyler: No time soon, but down the road.
Do you think it's harder for gay men to have a committed relationship, or do you think that's just a perception?

Tyler: Well, there are lots of straight men and women out there who just like to hook up and don't want relationships. It's just the same, except that guys tend to be hornier than girls, sometimes, so there are guys out there hooking up, but there's others who don't do that.

Brandon: I think it's a stereotype. I mean, Baptists in this state have a high divorce rate, but when it comes to gay men, playing around is all people want to see.

Do you think there's support in the homosexual community here for gay couples to be together and stay together?

Tyler: When we tell people that we're in a relationship, they're happy for us, but there's not a large "out" gay and lesbian community here that I know of. I know a whole bunch of people, but most of them are not out.

What does it mean for the community that so few people are out of the closet?

Tyler: There's not a lot to do.

Brandon: I think gay people are afraid here. In Baton Rouge, more people come out because they feel like it's more accepted, that they won't feel the pressure they would in a city where most people aren't out.

Are you ever afraid that people will harass you?

Tyler: I won't go to the Wal-Mart here with him. I won't hold hands with him walking down the aisle here, but in Baton Rouge I would.

Brandon: He's a lot more afraid than I am—

Tyler: Because he's used to not being afraid. Of course, we're not very "gay-acting," so it's not near as hard for us as it is for some people.

Have people ever made nasty comments to you?

Tyler: Little comments here and there. You just let them go.

When did you know you were gay?

Tyler: It started when I was probably 5 years old. I would look at other boys and think, 'Man, I wish I looked as good as him.' That's what it started as, and then as I got older, I started to think about what boys looked like naked. Since I can remember, I knew I was. I didn't know what it was until I was 12 or 13, but I knew I was different.

Brandon: I still debate genetics versus environmental—I think it's a combination of both—but I know that as far back as I can remember, I've never been attracted to females. I've been in relationships with females, when I was really young, because I was trying to force myself into the mold that society told me I had to be in, but I knew that I was different. I knew I wasn't satisfied with it.

How hard is that? Even if only you know that you're an outsider, you still know.

Brandon: Even in Baton Rouge, at that age it wasn't easy. I couldn't talk to anybody about it. Even when I did tell someone, it wasn't a person that I was close to because I was afraid. I used to write poetry about it, about how frustrated I was. I just wanted out; I wanted a way to be myself without having to live two lives.

How do you romance each other?

Tyler: He buys me stuff all the time, and I like to write him letters. He'll come home with something, and it might be small but the meaning behind it is really big.

Brandon: We try to share experiences with each other for the first time.

Tyler: We're starting to play tennis together because we have little guts we're trying to get rid of. It's a lot of fun to play against each other, though I'm still learning.

Tyler, you said you write letters. What do you write in them?

Tyler: Just pointing out what I like about him, here and there.

How do you fight with each other?

Tyler: We argue. Our arguments might last 15 to 20 minutes at the most, and then we make up.

Brandon: We set some boundaries when we first got together. At first, we were only seeing each other on the weekends because I was in Baton Rouge. We told ourselves that if something happened during the week and we wanted to end this relationship, we had to wait the seven days or whatever it was until we saw each other again. That really helped out a lot.

What are you going to do for Valentine's Day?

Brandon: We haven't made our plans yet, but we'll do something special. I love to do special things for him.

Tyler: For Christmas, I came in, and there were candles everywhere. I went back to my room, and there he was, lying on my bed in a Santa hat and a stocking. We probably better leave it at that.

So you don't have any problem maintaining the passion?

Tyler: The spark hasn't gone away at all yet, and I hope it never does.

Previous Comments

ID

79252

Comment

Wow, This article really has made a deep impact on my "outness" I didn't really think about it before I agreed to doing the interview, but now that its done and over with, I'm happy. For all the Homosexual people out there,.. Live your own life, and do what you want to do, But I rest assure you, being out has made my life 100% easier. I don't have to hide from reality anymore. It's GREAT!

Author

T Y L E R

Date

2006-02-09T14:10:04-06:00

ID

79253

Comment

Actually I commend you for your courage. There is a line in a "Course in Miracles", It reads, "What you Conceal cannot be Loved" and Therefore must be feared". There are only two emotions in this world Love and Fear. We as the "decision maker" pick between the two all day long. From your epistle it is obvious that you have chosen love.

Author

ATLExile

Date

2006-02-09T15:27:12-06:00

ID

79254

Comment

this article fits in well with what the JFP has done in the past: welcome diversity. I can still recall Casey Parks editorial about being female and gay in MS. I respect the feelings of others and the right for people to love who they want to love. I do have some questions about this particular couple: How were they chosen for this? And to follow up, is there a large divide between the black and white gay communities in MS? Maybe it's just me, but I feel as though there would be a different feel to this article if the couple was black and gay. Just my thought.

Author

c a webb

Date

2006-02-09T16:03:24-06:00

ID

79255

Comment

c a, there is a large divide between black and gay communities from my own life experiences and my experiences with Unity Mississippi. Unity is currently trying to help bridge that divide and have working relationships with Pride of Mississippi (the org that hosts MS Black Pride in tandem with Unity's OUToberfest). We're trying to figure out the divide and help build a bridge. I will say that black gay culture (especially the culture perpetuated by the bars) is very distinct. Lots of drag and heavy femme from many of the guys... It's not so distinct outside the "black bars". There are "mostly black" and "mostly white" gay bars and they're called that by most patrons. By far, you'll see more diversity at the "white" bar from Asian to black to Hispanic. The "black bars" are mostly frequented by JSU students and people living in West Jackson. So, it could be geographical also. On a whole, I would say there is a distinct disconnect between the black and white gay communities. This is not local either but is less in areas where there are *more* community-oriented functions and centers. As it is, the only outlets for most LGBTs are gay bars. As you know, bars attract a certain demographic based on location, music styles, drinks served, etc. So, I'm not sure the problem is necessarily a racial issue but moreso an opportunistic issue. This is one reason Unity has set a goal to have a community center by 2008 and to be able to provide a neutral, safe-space for meetings, socials and more for LGBTs. Another way we're planning to bridge the gap is to have an extremely diverse lineup (hopefully) at OUToberfest this year including hip hop, dance music, folk, rock and spoken word by LGBTs. Doing so should help attract a great cross-section of the community (gay and straight/ black and white) allowing them to mingle outside of their usual nightclubs and meet new circles and establish new networks. To your point regarding black couples vs gay couples and the article being different. First, I think ANY OTHER couple would have led this article in a different direction. I say this because every couple I know (gay or straight) does things differently and sees the world differently. I'm not sure why this is an issue or concern or curiousity, personally. I know/have known plenty of black, gay couples and a few inter-racial and can tell you their experiences and bonds are similar to this couple's and those of straight couples. The inter-racial couples probably have faced the hardest struggle within the gay community and outside the gay community. I say that because it's still a unique sight to see an inter-racial couple in Mississippi. It's not necessarily *rare* but it provides a unique situation for many that have never seen an inter-racial couple -- much less a gay, inter-racial couple. I hope all that made sense... I'm rushing to get to dinner and will revisit to clarify if I managed to be too muddy in this comment.

Author

kaust

Date

2006-02-09T19:35:07-06:00

ID

79256

Comment

Made perfect sense to me. Tyler, beautiful interview from y'all--thanks for brightening up the Valentine's Day issue! Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-02-09T20:35:30-06:00

ID

79257

Comment

C.A., not a bad point re: race and sexual orientation. I know dozens of white gay and lesbian couples, but I can count the number of known black lesbigays in my social circle on the fingers of one hand. One of my heroes is Bayard Rustin, an openly gay black man who worked alongside MLK. He had the enviable opportunity to be at the center of the civil rights movement and at the center of the gay rights movement. Not many people can make that claim. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-02-09T20:43:54-06:00

ID

79258

Comment

BTW- Knol, on the point re: interracial couples, another one of my heroes, Episcopal LGBT activist Louie Crew, is a white man who has been married (he is emphatic on this point: married, not partnered) to a black man for some 35 years. At one point he referred to them walking hand-in-hand down the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Atlanta in the seventies, back before they moved north. If I ever had any real reservations about dating someone of a different race (I don't think I ever did), they were completely shamed away when I read that story. Louie also wrote the most moving first-person account of Massachuetts' equal marriage law that I've ever read. Everyone should read this, really, no matter how they feel or think they feel about lesbigay relationships. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-02-09T21:02:48-06:00

ID

79259

Comment

By the by, did anyone else hear there was a group protesting Coretta Scott King's funeral because of her strong support of LGBT rights. I'll try to find the piece I read online somewhere. Tyler, Brandon, Donna and the JFP crew- thank you for sharing the love you have for each other with us and the courage to share your story. Y'all give me hope that the South is changing. And that there may actually be someone out there for me. Dang, now I have to cancel my DOWN WITH LOVE party!!

Author

urbangypsy

Date

2006-02-09T23:16:19-06:00

ID

79260

Comment

I guess the only reason I commented on this article is because of my personal feelings about the issues involved. And before I get any comments--- I did say my PERSONAL feelings. It doesn't mean I think laws should be changed or passed because of it. I remember living in New York several years ago, and being surprised at how interracial couples were just the norm. Nothing special. We are leaning in that direction here, but I wonder if we aer to the point were openly gay affection and couples is something that we accept as the new interracial movement. I agree with Knol's comments about gays and the clubs and for that matter the portrayal of gay people on television. (AGAIN THIS IS MY PERSONAL FEELING.) It bothers me that you see some gay people acting fem just because they think they should because they are gay. I'm not talking about those who just are fem by their nature, but those who turn it on and off like changing clothes. The same thing is true about how some gays are portrayed on tv. Like the show on MTV "Next". When you see the show and it has guys meeting guys, they all seem to be fem acting or trying to be like women with purses, etc. Now, if that is how they are all the time and that's just them, then so be it. If they are happy with themselves, that's all that matters. My problem is when you have some that portray the "womanly" role in public with attitude and the like and wonder why people have a problem with it. It is no secret that I am fairly conservative. Okay, more than a fairly conservative. Do I believe that gays should be able to marry? Yes, if that is what they want. Do I believe in gay marriage personally? NO. Do I beleive that gays should be able to adopt children? Yes, if that is what they want. Do I believe in gay adoption personally? NO. Again, people being happy is the main thing. But I just wonder if we will find the comfort level that has EVOLVED with interracial couples with the emergence of same-sex couples.

Author

c a webb

Date

2006-02-10T00:24:05-06:00

ID

79261

Comment

To put a different slant on this, I guess this would be a good time to mention that my new novella SINS IN THE BOARDROOM involves three same-gender-loving people: two men and one woman. There are no intimate scenes between them actually in the novella, but the references do the trick. Go to www.urbanerotic.com to read clips of the project. (I couldn't help the cheap plug. Sorry, Donna.)

Author

c a webb

Date

2006-02-10T00:32:40-06:00

ID

79262

Comment

I meant to post this thought last night but got caught up in a DVD... The "division" in black and white gay Mississippi is no bigger or more drastic than what you see in straight Mississippi -- in my opinon. Again, I think it's mostly due to likes and dislikes -- especially music. c a, to your point on femme-acting gay men... A lot of men (gay and straight) are turned off by this. Many aren't as well. I will say that many young men I've known have exhibited very femme characteristics when first coming out and eventually evolve into more masculine or less-femme personalities as they grow. Many young people when first self-identifying push the envelope (regardless of sexuality) and embrace many stereotypes and activities because that is what they know or have seen. Think about young, black men embracing the "thug life attitude" that is perpetuated by many rappers and icons... It's really no different in theory. By far, I know more masculine gay men and plenty of femme lesbians. I also know quite a few androgynous people that defy labels like masculine or feminine. The gay community is as diverse as the straight community and you'll find exceptions and standards to the rules.

Author

kaust

Date

2006-02-10T07:52:59-06:00

ID

79263

Comment

urbangypsy mentioned protestors at King's funeral. The group, the Westboro Baptist Church, is lead by Fred Phelps, a native Mississippian from the Meridian area. They've been here MANY times (I've had the luxury of counter-protesting them) but are probably known most for picketing Matthew Shepard's funeral. They are a hateful bunch that are mostly comprised of their own family... In other words, they breed their hate because their particular brand attracts few to their flock. They are all mostly lawyers and push the legal line every day with their knowledge of the law. These people's opinions, ideas, and concepts make some of the most prejudiced people I know seem like lightweights. The sight of their very young children holding signs that say "God Hates Fags", "God Hates George Bush", "God Hates America" and "America Deserves 9/11" is enough to make a grown man cry... Literally. Here's an article on their latest visit to ATL for King's funeral.

Author

kaust

Date

2006-02-10T08:18:23-06:00

ID

79264

Comment

Knol I was not aware that "Fasist Freddy" had come here. It received no press coverage. Sick Sick Sick...... But Bernice King's diatribes against Gays and Lesbians are well known in Atlanta...even though she is a very good "preacher". After her last statement against same sex marriage..."my daddy did not take a bullet for this" sermon.....her momma jerked a knot in her from what I was told. But this links right back into the Black Gay and Lesbian issues and what they have to deal with form the straights in their communities and social strata.

Author

ATLExile

Date

2006-02-10T09:58:11-06:00

ID

79265

Comment

Thanks for the links, Knol and Tom. Interesting reading if also prone to turn the stomach. I also want to say thank you to Brian for writing this and to Brandon and Tyler for sharing their story. When I first moved to Jackson from California one of the worst parts of the transition was realizing how many gays and lesbians were living "in the closet" here. I think you set an example and hope that many will follow your lead.

Author

Izzy

Date

2006-02-11T10:57:39-06:00

ID

79266

Comment

I would also like to compliment Brandon and Tyler on their courage. As for Fred Phelps, there is no infamy he will not embrace.

Author

nacollier

Date

2006-02-16T14:14:31-06:00

ID

79267

Comment

CA - I spoke with Michael Robinson once about the difference b/w af-am homosexuals and white homosexual couples. The differences are pretty high. For instance, a lot of "gay" black men don't want to be called gay (for more reference, see the absolutely terribly written "On The Down Low" by James L. King where he discusses his own rejection of the term), but rather prefer something like Men who have sex with Men (MSM). Another interesting thing Michael has told me is that "white gay issues" just aren't as important for many black msm or wsm, who still see survival as a greater issue facing them than the right to marry. A lot of this coincides with the debate of africana womanism vs. feminism. Find Michael, though, he's got some great thoughts on the subject. I bet Trey Mangum has a lot to offer, too. Also, I'm glad you remember my column :) though I never suspected you to be a conservative! hehe casey

Author

casey

Date

2006-02-16T15:58:54-06:00

ID

79268

Comment

Casey, Of course I remember your column--- as I remember you We miss you here. I was rereading my Collective zine the other day and you came to mind. Hope all is well with you.

Author

c a webb

Date

2006-02-16T16:20:24-06:00

ID

79269

Comment

WOw

Author

T Y L E R

Date

2006-02-16T17:22:21-06:00

ID

79270

Comment

Definitely give props to these guys. I know that being out and in Jackson is hard. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months now and it is always hard to think about where the line is that we are "not supposed to cross." Good thing for all the Jackson Free Press events we have been too. Will never forget the Best of Jackson party!!! Haha. We need more couples to come out and be proud of what we have!

Author

Rick

Date

2006-02-16T23:02:03-06:00

ID

79271

Comment

I would like to applaude Brandon & Tyler for their forthrightness in their interview, as well as their feelings for each other. As a 'straight' white female in Mississippi, who is married to a black man, I understand the divisions that are socially apparent thru-out society. Due to my spiritual beliefs, I cannot support homosexual relationships, however, as a human being, knowing the importance of being and receiving the love and affection from one closest to you, I will say that I applaud the committment that you have made to each other and hope for your continued happiness.

Author

Katie D

Date

2006-02-18T15:45:29-06:00

ID

79272

Comment

Katie, not to push buttons but I'm the type of person that has strict definitions of spirituality and religion and the two can intermingle but are VERY distinctly different and exist outside each other. I think of spirituality as the personal experience and belief and religion as the group or dogmatic system a person subscribes. I've known many religious people that seemed to be lacking in the spiritual department and many more spiritual people that were completely void of religion. [I may have muddied that up a bit.] For instance, spiritually, I'm a Zen Buddhist but I have no religion and believe in no higher power other than the individual and the community. If anything, I guess you could say my religion would be Skeptical Utopian Socialist though I don't think that's recognized in any arena. Anyway, I ask because it sounds like you spiritually empathize and relate and even appreciate relationships of love in general (regardless of sexuality) but your religion dictates otherwise. I'm not sure I'm even asking a question to be honest. I'm a little cold today and getting over a nasty stomach flu that has zapped all my energies and fluids and deep thoughts for the day. I guess I'm asking if you simply believe the Levite's laws are accurate for modern day humans (assuming you're Judeo Christian) or if there's another belief you have where you are not allowed to support a healthy, happy, and productive relationship? Please bear in mind, many used religion to limit the rights and support of interracial relationships just a few decades back and I'm sure quite a few still hold to those beliefs these days (judging by some comments I've heard all too recently about me when holding a black female's hand in public -- which was slightly amusing and more shocking since I'm in an 8 year relationship with a man).

Author

kaust

Date

2006-02-18T17:29:03-06:00

ID

79273

Comment

It bugs me that we're still living in a world where you can get harassed by strangers just for holding the hand of someone of a different race. There are parts of the country where that sort of reaction seems to be less epidemic, which sometimes leads me to think that folks who look down on Mississippi have a point. It's also depressing to me that two members of the same sex can also get harassed for holding hands, of course, but then I expect that sort of thing because half the politicians in the country seem to be screaming about how much they don't like gays. Worrying about "miscenegation," on the other hand, is so 1864. As far as religion and spirituality: This is my academic field and my writing field, so the distinction has always been very important to me. So here's my definition, in a nutshell: Religion (from the Latin religio, or "binding together"): A social framework for the affirmation of ultimate meaning. As far as I'm concerned, a religion need not include belief in God (Zen Buddhism is a great example of a non-theistic religion), or even the supernatural (many Jewish Reconstructionists are scientific naturalists). In fact, a religion cannot, by definition, be reduced to beliefs. One cannot be a Christian without Christianity, but as a corollary one need not be a Christian to have a Christian religious experience. Spirituality (from the Latin spiritus, or "breath"): Meaningful personal experience that affirms and informs a sense of the transcendent. Because most religions center on spiritual experiences of some kind or another, I use the term interchangeably with "religious experience." I'm not going to pretend that these definitions are perfect, but I do not like the recent trend in spiritual writing to classify spirituality as New Hotness and religion as Old Busted. As far as I'm concerned, religion is just the communally-pursued quest for meaning and spiritual growth. Most spirituality movements are in essence religious, and many religious traditionalists who frown on spirituality go to church every Sunday in an effort to practice it. Religion can be more liberal than spirituality (see also Kaplan, Mordecai); spirituality can be more conservative than religion (see also Singer, Isaac Bashevis). Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-02-18T17:59:57-06:00

ID

79274

Comment

Well, Tom, you made me realize I also believe in "personal religion" which I guess is what I personally relate with a Zen-like and/or dogmatic routine. Interesting that different paths lead to different interpretations/definitions (or how we apply our experience to words). To be honest I don't know that I've ever formally looked at the definition of the two words. They've always been very personalized to me and my own path... OT: I also find it interesting that you define Zen Buddhism as a religion when many Western practitioners and those influenced by the practice [I've met] do not. Of course in areas of heavy practice, I can see how/why it develops into a religion. Too many paint fumes now. I should logoff. ;-)

Author

kaust

Date

2006-02-18T19:01:41-06:00

ID

79275

Comment

Knol, good response. Thanks for being so patient with my loudmouthed pontifications from on high, which even I sometimes find annoying on a second reading. The primary reason I like to be so careful about my definition of religion is because all too often it's considered the same thing as dogma. Both militant fundamentalists and militant opponents, for example, like to "define out" Christians so that only the most orthodox fraction of the professing faithful get to qualify as Christian, and the rest are considered impostors. I think this approach shows the continuing damage that the early church councils inflicted on the Christian faith, which until that time was about shared stories and shared experiences and shared identiity rather than unprovable metaphysical postulates--so one could be an Arian unitarian or an Origenian monarchianist or what have you and not be anathema because it was understood that this was not a hard science. When religion gets reduced to a series of postulates, I think that hurts religion and hurts everybody else, too. Hinduism is an excellent example of that. The world's richest spiritual tradition when the militant dogmatists don't get their hands on it, but when they do, we get the Bharatiya Janata Party or, worse, the Tamil Tigers. I think exclusionary emphasis on dogma, particularly dogma at war with modernism, is the source of all religious fanaticism, and ultimately all religious accommodation to terrorism. So I'm on the losing side of a fight to reclaim the word religion for the religious. Agreed on Zen Buddhism, and I hesitated to call it a religion. It's certainly not usually very dogmatic, relative to what we think of when we say religion today. Cheers, TH

Author

Tom Head

Date

2006-02-18T19:38:35-06:00