Jackson Free Press

When Donna Ladd called and told me that I had received the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies' Diversity Internship Grant, I was thrilled. I was excited that I was embarking on another journey in my life. When I told my mother and grandmother, their reactions made me one of the happiest people in the world. My mother quickly called all of our relatives to tell them that her baby was going to be a reporter. It felt good to be moving forward.

I was anxious to meet this challenge head-on and to make my mother proud. I thought that I had already broken the cycle by going to college and pursuing my dreams. I was actually under the impression that I was out of the perpetuating cycle of stereotypes that hover over young, black women. But while I was the happiest I've ever been, I became a stereotype. I found out that I was no different than the cycle in which I was living.

Pregnant. Nineteen years old. Black. Female. Two years out of high school. Two years away from graduating college. I was terrified.

My best friend, also a young mother, waited patiently outside her bathroom door while I stood before the mirror crying. When I finally came out, she held me while I confessed to her that I did not want to be pregnant. I was ready for anything else in this world except to be a mother. I told her that I did not want to be another stereotype.

Here is where I received my first real reality check: "You became a stereotype, when you felt comfortable enough with your boyfriend of two-and-a-half years, to have unprotected sex. And whether you're ready or not, you are going to be a mother."

Oh my goodness! She was right. I didn't think of it that way. I was so wrapped up in what people were going to say about seeing me pregnant that I was ignoring the fact that I had already participated in stereotypical behavior. I knew that people were going to be disappointed.

I knew that people close to me would think that I would give up on my dreams. I promised myself that no matter what, I will not drop out of school.

I figured that I would have to forfeit my internship grant. I am not sure if I was more afraid to tell my mother, my boyfriend's mother or Donna Ladd. When I told Donna that I was pregnant, I saw the disappointment in her eyes. Neither of us was sure how the internship would work given the fact that in five months, I am going to be a mother. I almost gave up hope when she said: "I will let you know my decision later. Just let me think about it for a couple of days." But neither of us gave up hope. Being pregnant doesn't change the fact that there are issues in Jackson that I can bring to light through this newspaper. The fact that I am overcoming challenges in my personal life and continuing to reach for my goals makes this experience all the more important.

Teenage pregnancy is a situation that we all encounter at some point in our lives. I am living it. When I tell people that I'm pregnant, I get mixed reactions. Some people give me weird looks. Some make comments like, "You sure put on some pounds." People tell me that they never expected me to get off track. Former classmates make a note that "every girl graduating from Lanier gets pregnant" (which is a horrible misconception). Then there are those people who are not surprised at all.

I was prepared from day one to deal with the people who feel disappointed by my pregnancy. I also prepared myself for the people who believe in stereotypes. I know that there are people who think that my life is over. There are people who believe that because I am going to be a mother, my dreams will never be realized, and instead, I'll have to live out my dreams through my child.

I'll use those stereotypes as motivation to be a better person. We all know that girls in my situation usually do not have the support they need. If you've formed an opinion about teenage mothers, take into consideration that we all live in a world where sex is glamorized. Some children are not sheltered from R-rated movies and sexually explicit music. I don't believe that our education system is properly teaching sex education. I believe that parents assume that their kids "know better" and never take the time out to be brutally honest about the consequences of having sex. Many social downfalls have a major effect on teenage pregnancy. Because of my own actions, I am pregnant. But because the idea of sex is plastered on television, the Internet and in books, I will not be last the pregnant teenager. We should all be aware that this is a problem. We should try just as hard to un-glamorize sex, as we do drugs and violence.

I know that it isn't going to be easy going to school, working, writing and taking care of a child. But I've realized that my life has never been easy. I am blessed to have a support group of family and friends that are going to be here with me every step of the way. I am not convinced that because I am going to be a young mother, my life is over. I look at it like there is just one other person for me to make proud.

I am glad that the father of my child has been a part of this experience and understands the importance of becoming a father who is present, active and supportive. I've made the choice to ignore the expectations of others and to focus on my own. The choice I've made is to live my life in a way that is beneficial to me, my family and my child.

Being pregnant has not changed the fact that I am an aspiring reporter. It does not change the fact that I plan to graduate from Jackson State in spring 2009. Being pregnant is changing my life, but it does not change my dreams. It does not change my determination to accomplish my goals.

Whether you're ready or not Jackson, here I come.

Previous Comments

ID

74682

Comment

All, be sure to read this column. And be prepared: There's more to it than you think from the first paragraph.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2007-03-14T16:33:11-06:00

ID

74683

Comment

Hee... I've got some wonderful stories about misconceptions. :)

Author

Ironghost

Date

2007-03-14T20:17:55-06:00

ID

74684

Comment

Thank you for your story, Melishia. I believe that you will do just fine and will reach all your goals. The term "baby mama" does not apply to you. :-) We live in a society where everyone judges everyone else when they're in a mess themselves. I know I am nowhere near perfect, so I know that I have absolutely no right to judge anyone. Others should think the same way.

Author

LatashaWillis

Date

2007-03-14T21:11:33-06:00

ID

74685

Comment

Melishia Grayson is going to set the world on fire. Mark my words. She'll make the tyke very proud some day.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2007-03-15T11:47:55-06:00

ID

74686

Comment

Melishia's column talking about her pregnancy is featured on the front page of the AAN site right now.

Author

DonnaLadd

Date

2007-03-16T14:25:45-06:00

ID

74687

Comment

Melishia: No, it's not easy. It's not easy with two parents. But nothing worthwhile ever is. Yes, I realize that's an old cliche. But it is true. Celebrate the joy. Write down as much as you can. It's an awesome experience. Congratulations and many blessings to you! Ironghost said, "Hee... I've got some wonderful stories about misconceptions. :)" All right, you. :)

Author

Lady Havoc

Date

2007-03-16T15:35:12-06:00

ID

74688

Comment

Melishia, I want to say something profound and inspirational to you, and the best thing I have right now is "congratulations!" I was in your shoes at the same age. I can slightly recall the grimaces and judgements I got, but what I remember most was "congratulations" from friends and family who believed in me, believed in my worth and knew "there but for the grace of God." You are talented, you are deserving and you are going to be an incredible mother AND reporter. Yes, it's going to be harder than you could ever imagine, and it will be harder for LONGER than you might have thought (still battling the stereotypes myself), but you can handle what's on your plate. You, honey, are not a stereotype. You are gifted and brilliant and braver than most folks can ever understand. And congratulations! Because where it's that much harder, it's going to be even more beautiful and joyful. Hugs to you :) emily braden

Author

emilyb

Date

2007-03-21T11:01:18-06:00

ID

74689

Comment

what an honest column, it is bringing tears to my eyes, thank you

Author

Izzy

Date

2007-03-22T10:15:44-06:00