Jackson Free Press

Crunchie Burga World CEO: "Welcome fellow Crunchie Burga World employees to a farewell banquet honoring the hard work and dedication of Miss Wanda, our beloved part-time senior greeter and fry cook, who will retire this week.

"The Crunchie Burga World board of directors and I had some issues about hiring a senior citizen at our funky ghetto franchise. Actually, we had concerns about Miss Wanda's reliability, endurance and poise in the fast-paced world of the fast-food industry. Nevertheless, her granddaughter lobbied the C.B.W. board and me to employ her grandmother.

"I'm happy to say the risk paid off. Miss Wanda exceeded our expectations. This remarkable senior greeter not only welcomed our customers, but she also worked the cash register, cleaned the rest rooms, mopped the floor, operated the Crunchie fryer and grill, repaired and maintained equipment and covered other employees' shifts. And she never mumbled a word. This is why Miss Wanda received and earned five "Crunchie Employee of the Month" awards during her three years at Crunchie Burga World.

"On behalf of the board of directors and staff of Crunchie Burga World, we want to give you a $10 Crunchie Burga World gift certificate, a $15 shopping spree at JoJo's Discount Dollar Store and dinner at the new International Rasta Fong's Chinese and Jamaican Restaurant."

Miss Wanda: "Thank you, Mr. CEO. I don't mean to be like an old lady, but before I accept your kind gestures, please answer this burning question: Where's the bonus?"