Jackson Free Press

Thanks to a conversation that started about tipping over on under Kaze's column about race dialogue, I promised I would start a thread so that JFP readers could discuss tips about etiquette in life and and business (and continue the tip conversation if they want). So here is my thread, as promised. I'll start with a few random things I've learned from running my own business in Mississippi; feel free to add your own and discuss:

1. Don't ever call for directions right before you're supposed to be somewhere. In fact, never ask a busy person for directions and landmarks. Get the mailing address, print out a Google map, figure out where it is in advance, learn to read street numbers, and then get there without excuses about getting lost. If someone does that to me for a job interview, I automatically assume they can't think for themselves well.

2. Don't ask anyone else for a phone number you can look up for yourself. And don't rely on e-mail alone. The phone is still relevant.

3. Don't text-message when having a conversation with someone or while sitting in a meeting. It's rude, and they will notice.

4. Do learn to tip appropriately.

5. Remember that employers will always remember the last things you did when you left a job first. Never be an irresponsible short-timer. And never burn a bridge you don't have to: I've been fired by people who later became some of my biggest supporters. On the other hand, I've seen people "rape" the computers at jobs because they were shortsighted (and use that word to brag about it). Life is long, so don't mess up your chances with stupid stuff, and don't assume they will give you a reference based on your first month and not your last.

6. Never assume the bosses won't hear about you badmouthing them. They *always* do.

7. Work harder when your boss is out of town—if you want to be promoted later. It's not the time to goof off and miss work.

8. I've gone to job interviews and come face to face with people who waited on me in bars and restaurants. See tipping advice.

9. Give, give, give to those around you. My own students have become some of my best editors, and paid me good money to do stuff. You never know.

Previous Commentsshow

8. Here's a favorite: Don't slack in your current job and hope to be promoted to a better one! I remember an incident years ago in Colorado where a reporter who worked for me wanted to be a columnist so he didn't have to report so much—and he's been a reporter for two months. This was a request that took major hubris to make! 9. Can I repeat the directions one? It makes me crazy that, here in my home state, people need such long descriptions to get anywhere. Crazy. When people visit here from elsewhere, they ask for a street address and then find it from there, unless there is some major difficulty. I have little patience on this one. 10. OH, and while on the subject of restaurants, NEVER ask for separate checks when you're out of the Deep South, especially if you have a group of people. Get the check and divide it yourself. It is considered very unsophisticed in other places to do that. Here, though, it's fine, and I do it all the time, too. 11. Here's one I've run into more in other places, especially California: Don't order a lot more than other people in your party and then just announce that you're splitting the check. I've seen few people here try this, but watch folks in big cities. If you're a vegetarian (like I am) or don't drink (unlike me), you can get really screwed on this one. The main thing is not to be the person creating the uncool situation. At the same time, don't be the person fighting over 50 cents. 12. Oh, and on the topic of tips, don't undertip if you're part of a group splitting a check. I can't tell you how many times I've had to make up for bad tippers, and you just tend to stop inviting them to stuff. (Making my earlier point on the other thread about how bad tipping can be bad for your career, social life, etc.)

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

1. Ditto the "Tip Appropriately." Failure to do so (1) sends the message to your guests/potential associates that you're cheap (not frugal), and (2) demoralizes a hard-working employee for simply doing his/her job. Start at 15% as a base, and go upward from there. 2. Be Punctual! Tardiness is an ugly indicator of poor planning or not caring about the task at hand, no matter the task. And its rude. 3. Never assume, for the most obvious of reasons. Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. 4. Learn to listen, not just hear. 5. Learn why math is so important as early as you can. You will use it later in life. Or you won't understand so very many important matters for business and personal life accounts. 6. Talk to strangers. Amazing how "Hi" can immediately breakdown a weird, uncomfortable situation. 7. Eat Out Often. hee.

GradyGriffin

Apr 2 2008

Good ones, EatOut. I've always struggled with punctuality, and I know I have burned valuable bridges as a result. And listening is key; it's the most important thing in sales, journalism and about everything else. Shut the Hell Up, as I tell my writing students. Amen to math. And logic skills. I've had so many opportunities (not to mention friendships) come out of talking to strangers, yes even in New York City. ;-) Re that: Don't visit other places and gape at locals like you're a dumb tourist. And don't grip your bag like you think you're going to robbed any second. You probably will be. Oh and my favoriate (and biggest challenge): Do one thing at a time. (This is becoming a Fly article!)

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

1. PLEASE tip 20% for good service! I really can't stress this enough. 2. Groups of 5 or more = no separate checks. Split it 5 ways. If this is impossible (see Donna's situation), at least have the common courtesy to check with the waiter/waitress first. 3. Dress well. It is an unfortunate fact of life that first impressions are hard to undo. 4. Stay away from personal jabs. You never know when someone might be friends with a person you badmouth. 5. Keep religious and political discussions out of the workplace. They make everyone feel uncomfortable.

QB

Apr 2 2008

At office social functions, drink one less drink than your boss.

Huckleberry

Apr 2 2008

NEVER discuss Politics or Religion over cocktails. It ends one way everytime: BAD.

GradyGriffin

Apr 2 2008

If someone initiates or asks for a hug, don't be the first to let go.

ellen

Apr 2 2008

Do not send a stawberry daiquri or pina colada back to the bartender because you can't taste liquor in it. You will be cussed and receive the same drink back with a staw full of rum.

Huckleberry

Apr 2 2008

If your boss drinks heavily, drink a lot less than your boss! NEVER discuss Politics or Religion over cocktails. It ends one way everytime: BAD. I disagree with that one, EatOut. Of course, it depends on who you're talking to! And we talk about politics at work. But we're a special kind of workplace! 4. Stay away from personal jabs. You never know when someone might be friends with a person you badmouth. True. Especially in Jackson, where everyone is related to everyone! The best rule is try to never say stuff about people you wouldn't say to their face. I try to live by that, but I will be very direct to people's faces. And don't say stuff on blogs you won't say to someone's face. I've had the weirdest encounters with people who are ugly-to-the-point-of-disgusting on blogs, and then try to be all nicey-nice in person. I try to be consistent, figuring that's fairest and the least hypocritical.

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

Good one, Huckleberry. And never order a frozen drink in a real bar. Or at least ask first if it's cool to. I've been a bartender, too. ;-)

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

1) Leave well. (this means relationships, jobs, etc). I can't stress this enough. I was welcomed back at a company I left for a year because I "left well" (i.e. six weeks notice, a good exit interview, and thanking your bosses...EVEN IF YOU DO NOT FEEL LIKE IT). I'm also friends with all of my x's.....unless they were a$$es. :) 2) Overdress for anything if you aren't aware of "the dress code". See Fat Harry's #3. 3) When you are traveling....do internet research about transportation, restaurants, etc, BEFORE YOU GO. I cannot tell you how many co-workers I've traveled with who acted like 'tards when faced with Subway Vs. Cabs vs. shuttle vs. walking decisions. We only have one option Down Here. Every where else is NOT LIKE HERE. 4) I second Harry's #5. I, fortunately, work with a small staff of like minded individuals. Most people do not. I had a friend who worked in health insurance who's boss assumed everyone with more than two brain cells was a republican. He said more offensive things in my limited interactions with him than any other individual I can remember in a 'supervisory position" and I usually LIKE being offended.

Lori G

Apr 2 2008

Here's the best advice I can give: Don't think everyone is supposed to like you. Be yourself, and let the chips fall where they may. And remember IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. You are not indispensible. You are not holy. Everyone's not talking about you all the time. You can make mistakes. In fact, it's how you deal with mistakes that is the most important message you send to people in the position to help further your career. Get good advice. And, no, it's not always from your parents. To them, IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. ;-)

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

That's a much better rule, Donna. Just don't order frozen drinks. It's been a long time since I waited table, but this discussion is opening old wounds.

Huckleberry

Apr 2 2008

I'm friends with my exes, too, Lori. Life is too short to hold stupid grudges. At the same time, don't waste your time on lazy people, negative people, energy-suckers and drama kings/queens. Move on, and move up. And the "leave well" is advice for life, I'm telling you. I've seen it over and over again through life (and done it in the distant past): someone thinking the world revolves around them, talking trash, rewriting the narrative to convince themselves they were mistreated—and then discovering what a stupid mistake they made. Again, a man who fired me once is a dear friend and has perhaps done more to help my career/business than perhaps any one person. There is a huge lesson in that fact. An ex-boyfriend who cheated on me was there for me when my mama did, driving hundreds of miles overnight to hold my hand through the whole funeral. I would never be in a relationship with him again, but I still love him as a friend. Exit well. Amen, sister.

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

Oh, order frozen drinks, but in a frozen-drink kinda place. There is a place, and a season. Oh, and if you're a waiter, use a damn notebook. Talk about a way to lose my tip fast: Walk up to me and take my order by memory and then forget part of it. Tip cut in half at least. I play both sides of this one. Don't expect something for nothing.

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

1. Avoid limp, dead-fish handshakes. 2. When you give a handshake, two shakes is enough. Seven or eight looks very eager-beaver, and you might break the receiver's wrist. 3. Don't get easily offended if you say hello to someone and s/he doesn't speak back. The person may be in La-La Land and not even hear you, so s/he'll be wondering why you have an attitude for no good reason. 4. Avoid having foreign objects in your mouth when speaking in public. 5. If you can think about it before you do it, sneeze into your sleeve instead of your hand, and if you happen to sneeze into your hand, use the left hand since you shake hands with your right one. 6. If someone gives you a kiss (on the upswing this decade in the U.S.), offer your right cheek. For both cheeks, offer your right one first. 7. Never ask a person with dreadlocks if /she washes his/her hair. We do.

LatashaWillis

Apr 2 2008

re-read your e-mail before you press "send." Are you sure you really want or need to say exactly that?

GradyGriffin

Apr 2 2008

To supplement EatOutOften's rule, for your business's really important letters or e-mails, put them through the gray hair test before you send them, which means let someone with gray hair read them first.

Huckleberry

Apr 2 2008

re-read your e-mail before you press "send." Are you sure you really want or need to say exactly that My friends and I have discussed patenting an email program that holds emails for up to EIGHT HOURS (because that's how long it usually takes to "sleep it off" ;)) where you have the option to take the email back or not send it. We think this would save lots of people lots of grief. I also would like to add that I do not think its proper to send any sort of personal email through your work email address. I think a lot of people would save themselves a lot of hearache if they were more able to discern the line between their "work life" and their "personal life". I have worked in environments (for a very short period of time before I RAN) where people in the office had entirely too 'close of a relationship". And, I aint' talking about affairs or anything. I'm just saying they SHARE too much. Work is work and home is home. Are they not teaching this anymore? I see it a lot in the "just out of college" kids. (Look at me acting like an old fogey!! :))

Lori G

Apr 2 2008

Don't treat "assitants" in an unprofessional or dismissive manner. 1. It's very likely they are more educated than you, especially if you are an older demographic than said assistant. 2. You might need them someday (see above with bartenders/servers/etc.) 3. The have more conversations with clients than you do. They don't have to tell a client you treat employees like crap, they just know from day-to-day interaction. (ie...don't put it on your assistant to dodge calls....own up to your job to communicate and don't make the assistant the "bad guy.") Karma is pretty real.

emilyb

Apr 2 2008

When in an office environment, even relaxed ones, don't show cleavage or wear clothes that are too tight or too short. Just because you can wear jeans doesn't mean all bets are off. Also, for girls and guys tank tops are always an iffy propositoin

msgrits

Apr 2 2008

Music Indusry etiquette that applies to life. 1. Always..ALWAYS..return phone calls and emails..You are Not THAT busy..A response usually takes less than 30 seconds or less by phone or email..Yes I know..youre tired, had a bad day, or something's amiss but it shows GREAT proffesionalism. No matter how ''important'' you think the person is. 2. The world revolves around relationships. Youre only as effective as your connections. I was told by a wise man that a man/woman's influence is judged by who the most powerful/influential person in their rolodex is. 3. Never..NEVER piss off a millionare/or someone that can adversely affect your business or your pocket. No matter how much of a jerk the are. 4. Whats not importnt to you could be monumentally important to someone else. Be considerate of others needs. You WILL be in their position one day. 5. When people go out of their way to almost obsessively say bad things about you/sully your name. Relax. It means you are doing something right. Its whe u DONT have haters that you should be worried. As a sidebar..do not...do NOT respond to haters not even in defense of ridiculous accusations. This is an acquired skill that takes zen like mastery.. Haters are looking to engage you. They WANT attention. They want to APPEAR important. IGNORE them. It is the most disrespectful thing you can do and it drives them CRAZY! 6. This is an old one. The same people you see on the way UP you will see on the way DOWN..and dont believe the hangers-on around you..You WILL come down. How you treat people will determine if you go back UP again. 7. Shake a mans hand firm and look him in the eye when you speak. make eye contact throughout a conversation. Not doing so is a sign of weakness or a sign you have something to hide. 8. Women make better assistants.NOT because they are women..STOP right there emily, lori, queen, and donna. But because they are more punctual, more responsible, more reliable, and pay MUCH better attention to detail. They LISTEN better and are more loyal. In my biz the quickest way to get a project off course is to give it to a dude. They get distracted too easily and usually overestimate their ability. 9. Be an ASSET not a LIABILITY. Learn a skill or bring an attribute to the table that is NEEDED by an employer. You'll be more apt to be kept on..No one is indespensable but make yourself damn near. The people who succeed go ABOVE and beyond what is asked of them. Non managerial types do JUST ENOUGH to get by or get a check..Youre not fooling anyone..We SEE you birddoggin it.

Kamikaze

Apr 2 2008

Um. Ok. I can almost agree with eight, but: 1. Don't tell me to stop. :P 2. Assistants should be paid like professionals. In my experience in the assistant world, I worked just as hard (if not harder) and made just as many decisions (if not more), but didn't get paid the same as the person I assisted. Treat them well.

emilyb

Apr 2 2008

Be truthful- if your not it will always come back to bite you in the butt

BubbaT

Apr 2 2008

Interesting list, Kaze. Your first one is very true, for the most part, and is the bane of my existence right now. I cannot stay on top of calls and e-mails. I used to think I had to answer them all, but I have actually figured out that I don't, because I can't (and I realize I may have somehwat of a special position here as a newspaper editor who gets so much). I've recently established some new rules: If near-strangers are contacting (usually by e-mail) me to scold me like I'm a child, curse me out or try to fill a social void in their own lives, I don't have to respond to them. If people are not paying attention to who they should be contacting at the paper about something, it's their fault, because we tell them all sorts of ways. And if I can delegate it to someone more appropriate than myself to return, that's better than not returning it. If anyone sends me a group e-mail addressed to more than me, I have no obligation to respond to it. I was reading in Pink magazine (that cool biz publication for women out of Atlanta) recently about the overwhelming correspondence people are hit with today, and how we spend too much time trying to respond to it all. The piece gave me permission to let things go that don't make sense for me to deal with. That said, I will always struggle to stay on top of the stuff I do need to respond to. And it's a worthwhile struggle. Connections are, indeed, everything. That's a big reason that all these other things (like tipping) are so important. That leads to "impressions," as well. Your millionaire comment does not apply to newspaper editors, or a lot of people trying to make a difference. I piss off some millionaire every time I open my progressive mouth. That can't be helped. I think the better advice is to not piss off people without a good reason -- by simply being obnoxious if you can help it (and I've certainly violated that one). And it is just as important to apply that to poor people as it is to millionaires. Of course, I'm not in the music business. ;-) I agree with No. 5, and spend much of my life ignoring stupid people. However, there are times when you have to speak up against bad information and unethical behavior, and everyone should *always* do that. See Frank Melton exhibit for proof. 6 is right on. 7. Also applies to women. And women should always shake hands firmly, including that of other women. 8. That's sexist. There are wonderful male assistants in the world and shitty female ones. I've had both. That's a stereotype. 9. True enough. It can't be said enough that people *always* know when you're faking it; filling your time; or spending half your time on myspace. Oh, and for God's sake, don't post anything on the Internet you don't want your boss to see. Or complain about your company online. Fool. As for e-mail addresses up above, you're right. Company e-mails are company e-mails. If my employees are out of town, I sometimes have to check their accounts to find stuff I need that usually goes to them. And when they leave, their accounts are re-forwarded to an editor or their replacement. This is just common sense. And on the opposite side of tipping well, don't be that moron who mistreats waiters, bartenders and other service people. Ever. This does not make you look cool or superior. It makes you look like a chump. And never, ever, never be rude to a homeless person (unless they are doing something wrong, and asking you for money is not wrong). I have no respect for any yuck who would ever yell "get a job" at somebody. But for the grace of God ... If you're a woman, speak up. Lost those tiny little voices no one can hear. And voice your opinions, including calling our men when they're being sexist. And never let a bigoted comment go back without expressing your disdain.

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

Pay is not the only way to treat assistants well. I was paid poorly in the best assistant jobs I ever had (and I had a few). But what I got in contacts, mentoring and tips on how to look like (and become) a successful person were invaluable. You can't expect to be paid the same as an assistant as your boss. Not yet. That brings up another good one: Don't just look for money early in your career. Look for opportunity and the people who can help you get it. Learn everything they can teach you; work your ass off. It'll pay off. Now on the topic of gender stuff, though, it would serve everyone well to study up on gender language issues. Deborah Tannen has written great stuff about this; many men simply do not know that they are not listening to women in the same way as men. There is so much sexism in the workplace (and classroom) still; be part of the solution.

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

Well I guess I can say #8 is MY experience. So my apologies. Im sure that there ARE some good male assistants out there. I just havent had any. Music biz can be a different animal sometimes. Speaking up against bad information or unethical behavior is good..yes..I was speaking moreso to personal attacks, gossip, and jackassery. ...Like the yahoo who took the time to post on the Next Amercan City site. That person appears to be running around trying to find outlets to hate on folks.. He/She's HILARIOUS.. They dont realize that when you speak someone's name that often you only make them BIGGER and more FAMOUS. lol... That speaks to my number 10. If you dont have something good to say about someone SHUT UP! Its better to keep your mouth shut and have us speculate if youre a fool or not than to open it and remove all doubt! 11. Never give a fool an audience!(See #5 Above)

Kamikaze

Apr 2 2008

..Like the yahoo who took the time to post on the Next Amercan City site. That person appears to be running around trying to find outlets to hate on folks.. He/She's HILARIOUS.. They dont realize that when you speak someone's name that often you only make them BIGGER and more FAMOUS. lol... Oh, totally agreed. And it's rather obvious who that person is; he has several names around town and always points back to the same site. Not exactly undercover. Agreed. I've said it repeatedly: JFP's trolls, over all, have helped us immensely. People wonder what all the hubbub is about, then come over and start reading or commenting. We've had conservative advertisers come in the book because they say they know everyone reads us because certain people talk about us all the time. If we couldn't bring those kinds of folks out of the closet, we wouldn't be worth our salt was an alternative newspaper. That's why I pick my battles carefully these days. First of all, I don't have time to respond to every yuck with a keyboard and an obsession. But I will stand up for responsible journalism from people in the media, even the posers sometimes, and I'll stand up for those people who work with me and for me when they are trashed unfairly. And I'll stand against racism and sexism. I guess another piece of advice I'd give is: Pick your battles. Not to mention: Follow your convictions. And: Let negative people self-destruct. They don't need your help.

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

Oh, and I'll forgive your no. 8. The truth is that women are trained too often to think they can be good assistants and not good bosses. Men are trained to assume they should be the boss. I've had a lot of trouble in the workplace over the years with men who don't like female bosses (and some women, but not as many), and who don't think they have to listen to me. They don't even do it on purpose; they'll look at me, nod, and then forget everything I said. And it's hard to have an assistant who does that, or anything else for that matter. Or they take a job to do one thing and then just assume they can change it when they get there. But that's based on cultural assumptions, and we should change them, much in the same way that we have to tell young black men that they can be something other than a performer or an athlete, even though society teaches them that that's what they'll be good at. More men need to learn to be mentored by women (by being assistants, and then being better bosses later) and women need to believe they can be more than assistants, but still be willing to be mentored. And can I mention another word? Reliability. You have to do what you say you're going to do, so that people will trust you enough to give you tougher and more fulfilling assignments. It always befuddles me to see something do a crappy job at what they're hired to do and then expect to get juicier stuff. But I think I said that part already. ;-) On that note, I'd better fly. I'm meeting someone for a drink at Pi and don't want to be LATE. ;-)

DonnaLadd

Apr 2 2008

1. If you mess up, don't waste time explaining WHY you screwed something up - no one wants to hear excuses, and it makes you look bad. Be positive by focusing on how you will fix it and then fix it!

Izzy

Apr 2 2008

See, I can't comment on the music business and number 8. Not honestly. But I will say I SUCKED being an assistant (too vocal; not very well organized; would speak up when I saw those above me doing less work than required of me), and I never found my position as an assistant (in corporate america) to be training to be anything else in that realm. It was VERY useful for contacts/networking. (I pitched my first column from contacts made as an assistant ;) ) But I knew I would never make it beyond where I was unless I was willing to relocate. There was also the tendancy to promote "friends," which is why I knew I would never go further in other companies. Assistants don't get the time to go play golf and make the relationships needed to promote "friends." But yes on the contacts. I'm not good at talking what/who makes a good assistant as I've only been one, never had one :P But that glass ceiling is still there and worth discussion...especially in the corporate world, where it DOES take at least a degree to get an "assistant" position, and there's such a catch-22. When someone gets a "good" assistant, they don't want to let that person go. Men are less likely to take a position called "assistant" (allow me to be sexist here..or is it honest?) Entry-level should work hard, but the reality is that "assistant to..." position is not really entry-level (I know my last boss had something like 300 applications....) in our economy. The job requirements aren't "first job" requirements. However, they still pay the least. I'm not saying they should get the same pay as the boss, but if companies are requiring what they are requiring, they should get paid more than the someone who just "answers phones." I would imagine men prefer hiring women NOT because of what Kaze said above, but moreso that they know women are used to the sexism and won't ask much of them. Old school thought was that men had a family to keep. Well, now women do too, but I don't think corporate america is catching up with that. For women heading a household, it's a negative. For men, it's reason to pay them more money.

emilyb

Apr 2 2008

Realize that there is truth in the adage that "A wise man can learn even from a fool." Listen. Listen to everyone, even those you consider foolish. A lawyer in an office I managed used to crack me up about a client who had Alzheimers who would every now and then have lucid moments and say the most profound things and then in an instant revert back to the Alzheimers mode seemingly not knowing who or where she was :-).

FreeClif

Apr 2 2008

Returning to the email and returning phone calls. I'm going to have to go with Kaze on that one. Not returning serious correspondence WILL come back to bite you in the butt. You will need those people sooner rather than later and you've already given a bad impression. This discounts frivolous or annoying correspondence. I can't express dress code enough. It's like my pet peeve. Dress appropriately for the task. Don't wear heals to paint the office and don't wear tennis shoes to a recepetion(unless your Kase:) If you can't be trusted to dress yourself, you can't be trusted with important task.

msgrits

Apr 2 2008

If you're one of those important people who find it necessary to have somebody place a call for you, take the call right away; don't have the person on the other end wait until you decide you're ready to pick up the phone.

Kacy

Apr 2 2008

If you travel overseas on business take a minute to learn at least some of the countries basic customs. You can insult someone in a hurry by doing things that you would consider normal to do here. A company I worked for would send a few of us to South America oversee the cotton harvest and ginning and the workers we had made from $2 to $4 an hour where a U.S. worker would make $10 to $15 an hour for the same basic labor and we gave each worker a $100 bill after the harvest was over as a tip and the next day their boss gave it back to us telling us it was illegal and insulting.

BubbaT

Apr 2 2008

re-read your e-mail before you press "send." Also, make sure you know who you're sending it too. I recently sent an e-mail regarding the Kansas woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet seat for two years to the people that work in my section at work. But I later found out that the entire office and everyone at our corporate office in Florida got it too. I now know that if I want only certain people to see it, to type in their names individually and not just that section.

golden eagle

Apr 2 2008

Regarding e-mail, if you're sending a personal e-mail to a group of people, it's always best to BCC (blind copy) them. That way, no one can see who else got the e-mail. This protects everyone's privacy. Also, please DO NOT forward chain e-mails to people at work. Depending on the subject matter, it may get them fired.

James Hester

Apr 3 2008

Expect that any email that you send out has the possibility of going public. Don't tell anyone anything in an email that you wouldn't say face to face. Think twice about giving friends advice that's "for their own good." By all means comment on blogs, but don't dump personal email type correspondence into the comments section. And NEVER dump a press release into blog comments. Send it in an email.

MissSue

Apr 3 2008

Expect that any email that you send out has the possibility of going public. Which is why I'm glad I didn't say anything disparaging about somebody else when the e-mail I sent went to everybody. I would've had to resign on the spot had that happened.

golden eagle

Apr 3 2008

Don't be quick to get angry. If you do get angry, don't stay angry. To use a sports analogy: it just takes you out of your game. I had a supervisor once who spoke to me in a very insulting way. Rather than just get angry (which I did momentarily) and seethe inwardly and let my productivity lag, after taking a brief time out to cool down, I confronted her in a professional way, letting her know that I did not appreciate her rudeness (over something very minor, she questioned my educational level --- she was an English major in a financial management job and I was a recent MBA). She apologized, there were no more emotional accusations and I went on to do the best job that I could every day until I left. I was able to get a good recommendation from them twice since then. Maybe she just had a bad day.

FreeClif

Apr 3 2008

Here's another one: Keep up with your assignments and the details. Don't make other people, especially your superiors, nag you about something they've talked to you about already. "Nag" is usually just an ugly word that people who have to be reminded constantly use. And a hint about making people angry: Forcing them to "nag" you about something is the quickest route. As for the assistant thing, I think there is more to say. I've had bad assistant gigs, and I've had good ones. The bad ones were my fault in general: I didn't follow through, own my mistakes, figure out how to get organized, and I complained about my boss and resented working hard (thinking I worked just as "hard," not understanding the mental and psychological components of being a manager and juggling every's "stuff.") The assistant gigs that have benefitted me throughout my life are those where I worked extremely hard, took every opportunity (to learn someone or meet someone or observe someone successful) that came my way, and didn't complain about my job—then or later. And the worst thing you can do as someone's assistant is participate in complaining sessions about your boss with other employees. This always bites you in the a$$. In fact, complaining about the workplace is very small-time thinking and is what followers do. You create a negative atmosphere for yourself and others, and you're usually doing it because you're unhappy in your own life. I've learned this lesson the hard way over the years myself, both doing it and seeing it happen in my workplaces. If there are genuine issues, mature people talk to their bosses and resolve them, or move on with class. But they don't sit around bars and whine—not realizing that someone at that table will share the stories, if not then but later. I'd had people ask me for references way later after I found out all sorts of weird stuff they did behind my back. In those cases, I don't usually give bad ones; I simply decline. In Buddhism, "idiot compassion" is rewarding and encouraging negative behavior. I've also had people create all sorts in drama in their last month or so on a job, and then ask to come back or help them get a job somewhere else. This is a tough spot to put a manager in; we can't burn bridges with people we know at other companies by recommending troublemakers—I sure don't want someone to do that to me. If it's someone who did good work initially, I will talk straight with them and try to help them understand the problems they need to overcome in order to get the help they need. But it's a tough spot. Oh, and if you're a manager or an aspiring one (or leader) -- don't reward negative behavior. You don't help the person you're rewarding because they keep doing it until they take a serious fall.

DonnaLadd

Apr 3 2008

And the best one ever: Don't spend too much time on the Internet! Lata, gatas...

DonnaLadd

Apr 3 2008

Donna, I think where we see differently on the "assitant" front is that in your field, you have people who have a bigger picture to look towards. They have a chance to grow. But if you are an "Executive Assistant," and there is no room for growth within your company, there is more room for burn out...working hard, working hard, working hard with little reward. In those positions, leadership and team building is essential. I've been in environments where the whole office has "given up," but when the stuff hits the fan, the quickest way to cover butt is to blame the "assistant." The best working environments I've ever had, leaders AND followers take ownership in mistakes. They both think "what could we have done differently?" They also look at "what have we done right." Just saying a thank you and noticing when someone has gone above and beyond is essential. If there's no sense of "team," and everyone is looking out for #1 and not the company as a whole, burn out is quick...and that's also in the workplace and classroom. I absolutely agree on complaining sessions. It only adds to the burn out. However, there is room for discussion on workplace abuse. I think Phillip usually has the stats on that one ;)

emilyb

Apr 3 2008

She apologized, there were no more emotional accusations and I went on to do the best job that I could every day until I left. I was able to get a good recommendation from them twice since then. Maybe she just had a bad day. -Whitley I love this story, it bears resemblance to my own experiences. Holding anger can wear you out FAST. And doing a great job will create it's own rewards no matter what drama the people around you have going on.

Izzy

Apr 3 2008

And the best one ever: Don't spend too much time on the Internet! Definitely the best advice for those actually interesting in keeping their job. Remember that Big Brother is watching...

Jeff Lucas

Apr 3 2008

But if you are an "Executive Assistant," and there is no room for growth within your company, there is more room for burn out...working hard, working hard, working hard with little reward. Don't get me wrong: I've seen that, too. And I agree with what you're saying about the boss taking responsibility, etc., and praising, and thanking, and noticing. It's sad to see workplaces that don't do those kinds of things. It's shortsighted (and there is advice in there, too. I'm so impressed with anyone who thanks others around them, regardless of their position.) But what you see too often are people shooting themselves in the foot because they can't stop themselves from whining all the time. And I would guess that 99 times out of 100, when someone says they worked harder than their boss, they are making it up, or just didn't know any better. It's not something I want to hear someone say in a job interview, that's for sure. Oh, and in a job interview: never, ever, never tell the interviewer that you just want the job until you get another one. Someone did that to me recently as soon as we sat down, and it was over right there. It's also tough to watch people think they're ready for jobs that they're not—like being right out of college and thinking they never have to stuff an envelope or whatever, or deserve huge money right away. It may not be popular, but the "dues paying" thing is real, and not just as a psychological thing. You learn a lot by doing everything there is to do in a company. I wouldn't be running this paper now had I not had the low-paying, drudgery-filled jobs I had along the way. But to come full circle to your comment: Choose entry-level jobs based on bosses who will give you a lot of work and responsibility and then criticize you as needed. You won't grow in a job where people never care what you do, when you come in (or leave), how you dress, how you communicate, what your organizational skills are, and who aren't willing to put you into positions that are a bit (not way) over your head so you can learn by doing. If people give you feedback, take it and use it. Don't just ignore it and keep doing what you want to do. If you do, you're hurting yourself. I know, as a manager, there is *nothing* I hate more than having to remind someone of the same thing over and over again. When people make me do that, they do not respect me, pure and simple. And if you get a job with "flexibility," don't take advantage of it. As I tell people, you can't have it both ways. Either you want to punch a clock, or you want to be a responsible person in a job where you can set your hours. Speaking of responsible, really must fly. Ciao.

DonnaLadd

Apr 3 2008

Never tell a interviewer you want a "job" at the company tell them you want to "work" for the company. I rarely hired someone who wanted a "job" but would give someone who said they wanted to "work" extra consideration when making a final decision on who to hire.

BubbaT

Apr 3 2008

I have another take to offer on the firm handshake/limp handshake area of discussion. As an elder person, I don't like it when people try to assert their competence to me with an aggressive handshake. It's a boorish cliche and I don't appreciate getting the pump-handle death grip on fragile hands. I'm not fond of handshaking but I tend to offer my hand first to put strangers at ease, because I'm a quadriplegic and it clarifies the situation for them. That's what impresses me - graciousness, and the ability to be cool and flow with a situation - not cliche'd assertiveness. But, my friends just kiss me (even though I am a cranky and crusty old dude).

willdufauve

Apr 3 2008

And good quality leather shoes, polished and edge dyed, not scruffy, down at the heels, or curled up at the toes will make a better impression than any other single thing. It's hard to take anyone seriously if they can't put on proper shoes.

willdufauve

Apr 3 2008

Also, please DO NOT forward chain e-mails to people at work. Depending on the subject matter, it may get them fired. Don't send them to people at home either. Chain emails are my #1 pet peeve.

Ex

Apr 3 2008

How about: Never forward chain e-mails. What a waste of life.

DonnaLadd

Apr 3 2008

How about: If you're having a meeting then have a written agenda and give everyone a copy. It keeps everyone on the same page, literally, and wastes less time. Especially community, board, and arts org meetings where people get extraneous because it's not their paid job. When I'm volunteering for free to do, or know, something I usually expect to get paid for, I appreciate it when my time is used well. A written agenda keeps the meeting focused and on track.

willdufauve

Apr 3 2008