Jackson Free Press

Nurse Tootie McBride: "Brothers, sisters and ghettocratic delegates, welcome to the first Ghettocratic convention, held at the Clubb Chicken Wing Multi-Purpose Complex. Tonight's guest speaker is my cousin, Smokey Robinson McBride, ghetto state representative of District 7 and 2/5ths and former lead singer of the underrated 1970s soul group, the Del Tonetics.

"Smokey sang lead on the local hit song titled 'Your Funky Attitude Stinks.' Today, he wants to clean the air by motivating the people to get involved in politics and world affairs. So, I present your 'brotha' and my 'cuz,' Smokey Robinson McBride!"

Smokey Robinson McBride: "This is a crucial time for the common person who feels unimportant. If it takes clichés, sound bites and a one-liner to motivate the masses to get involved in the issues facing us today, then it's on like a bubbling pot of turkey-neck bones in a crock pot. The following clichés are my motivational words to you:

"Don't get caught sleeping on the job you don't have. Living in your own world of escape and indulgence is wasted time. Use a critical-thinking washrag and clean up that cluttered mind. Magnetism is more intelligent than force. (I got that from an old Parliament Funkadelic song called 'The Presence of a Brain.')

"And finally, allow this cliché to marinate in your mind: During the last election, many of you vowed to 'Rock the Vote.' This election, I urge you all not to let lightning strike again! Vote!