Jackson Free Press

Nurse Tootie McBride: "Members of the financially challenged community: We're gathered today, across from Mr. Habib's Convenience Store and Gas Mart, to speak out against the domino effect of rising gasoline prices. This price-gouging trend against financially challenged citizens is like a severe, steel-toe boot stomp-down from security specialist Inspector 'Beat Down' Lipscomb.

"If Franz Kafka were here, he would compare our current plight to cockroaches. Ironically, most people continue to crowd convenience stores and gas marts, purchasing marked-up food products and gasoline. The purpose of today's protest is to turn on the light switch of information and make the victimized cockroaches scatter before the corporations and government start spraying that can of financial 'Whoop Butt' on these misinformed consumers.

"Real soon, my smooth-talking cousin, Congressman Smokey Robinson McBride, will inform us about the rising gasoline prices. But first, Ghetto Science Team folk singers 'The Token Caucasians,' featuring Bubba Robinski, along with Bart and Brett Starrchild, will perform their new protest song 'Sixty Gallons.' Take it away, my token Caucasian brothers!"

Token Caucasians (singing): "Woke up one mornin' before the sun did shine / Drove my delivery truck on down the line / Pumped 60 gallons of gas at a nearby fillin' station / Looked at the total price and screamed, 'What in Tar-Nation!'

"Pump 60 gallons, whadaya get? / Another year older and deeper in debt / Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go / I owe $240 to the convenience store."