Jackson Free Press

Boneqweesha Jones: "This is your Ghetto Science Team Weather Channel, bringing you news about the weather and climate affecting financially challenged people living in economically challenged times. My co-anchor is Grandma Pookie, renowned senior scientist of the Ghetto Science Team and the George Washington Carver Holistic Health Commission of Tuskegee, Ala. Grandma, give the audience your analysis of the current weather trend."

Grandma Pookie: "I think we need a new industrial age—an age where scientists find solutions to clean up what some industrialists messed up during the 20th century. Remember how funky factories spewed funky smoke that funked up the air, land and water to produce non-biodegradable plastics, and how spray cans of Right Guard deodorant and automobile emissions punched holes in the ozone layer?

"Today, global warming makes polar bears and penguins sweat like pigs, while folk in Alaska, Iceland and Greenland 'chill out' wearing shorts and sandals.

"I call this weather trend 'because and affect.' Because careless industrialization messed up the environment and climate in the 20th century, folk in the 21st century are affected by unusual weather, struggling economy, incre asing fuel and gasoline prices and an uncertain food supply. Lawd, have mercy on us!"

Boneqweesha Jones: "Thanks, Grandma! The outspoken Nurse Tootie McBride closes our report with the Ghetto Green Screen Social-Political Forecast."

Nurse Tootie McBride: "According to the Ghetto Green Screen Map, I see a cold-hearted, price-gouging corporate cold front covering the nation making people angry and hot as you know what!"