Jackson Free Press

Miss Doodle Mae: "Welcome to Clubb Chicken Wing's Post-Election Gathering, sponsored by Jojo's Discount Dollar Store, Bubba Robinski's Soy Protein Sausage Biscuits, Aunt Tee Tee Hustle's Technical Institute, Brotha Hustle's Mobile Bill Payment Center and the McBride Family Collective for Community Well-Being. Tonight I present to the Ghetto Science Team Community my Uncle Harris 'Stotle' Jenkins, a wise elder and adjunct instructor of barbershop philosophy at Hair-Did University. He's here to give the post-election address."

Harris 'Stotle' Jenkins: "The public has endured an intense drama this election season. This ghetto, country, nation and world experienced a political boxing match like the Rumble in the Jungle or the Thrilla in Manila. All of us watched the gladiators battle inside the media boxing ring. Despite being barraged with accusing punches and enraged jabs, one presidential candidate used the rope-a-dope method to help endure every verbal blow.

"We witnessed a candidate's poise during crucial situations during financial meltdowns, death threats and the passing of a beloved family member. The other presidential candidate employed an overused counter move reminiscent of that political ad that became the knock-out punch for a 1988 presidential candidate. And just like history will remember 'Willie Horton,' history will also record the rise and fall of 'Joe Da Plumber.'

"No matter who won the election, I urge you all to remember 'Boulder's Rule' from the Flintstones cartoon: 'If you keep your head while others are losing theirs, you'll be the only one left to get a haircut.Ҕ