Jackson Free Press

Dear Mr. Woods,
You might remember me from a press conference after your first victory in the Masters Golf Tournament. I remember when you said, "I'll take a question from the gentleman wearing the chef's hat." I will always cherish the moment when I replied, "Right now, I have a hot bowl of qweeemy, delicious Qweem-O-Wheat. Would you like to go back to the clubhouse and enjoy some good ol' Qweem-O-Wheat? I got a hot pot in the kitchen."

You politely declined my offer. I guess playing golf affects the appetite of the players because I heard another golfer named Fuzzy Zoeller mention to the press not to serve fried chicken and collard greens at the Masters' dinner.

I realize that you have a lot of weight on your shoulders right now. Allow me to be your Bagger Vance. You know, the character played by the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air; he helped Matt Damon get his authentic swing back in the movie "Legend of Bagger Vance.Ҕ Nevertheless, I have something that may help you cope with the stress. It's called Qweem-O-Roma-Therapy.

All you have to do is fix a hot, qweemy bowl of Qweem-O-Wheat with milk, butter and the sweetener of your choice. Find an intimate, quiet place to eat. Dip your spoon in the Qweem-O-Wheat and raise the spoon slowly to your mouth. Deeply inhale the steamy aroma of Qweem-O-Wheat. Exhale! Try Qweem-O-Roma-Therapy while eating. It relaxes me, and I believe it will relax you.

Yours truly,

Qweem-O-Wheat

Previous Comments

ID

154469

Comment

Ken as I read your article I see a notice that says "congratulation you are the 100,000th visitor." My 'puter won't let me click on it. Anyway as usual, you're doing a swell job. Tiger is 'bout to find out it's cheaper to keep her. It cost too much to leave the little girl alone.

Author

Walt

Date

2009-12-23T18:28:30-06:00