• Wear all black and mope.
• Break up with someone.
• When your partner suggests going out to dinner, ask, "What's the occasion?"
• Eat lots of garlic, onions or beans.
• Play a practical joke: Present her with a velvet box with a candy Ring Pop inside.
• Surprise your partner with a romantic early-bird dinner at Denny's.
• Two words: "Schindler's List."
• Before your partner sits down for a candlelight dinner, put a whoopee cushion on her chair.
• Plan a double date with your boss and his wife. Or your parents.
• Ask your partner if he wants to watch adults-only TV, and turn on Masterpiece Theatre.
• Buy her jewelry from a coin-operated vending machine.
• Surprise your partner with your herpes test results in a pink envelope marked "A V.D. surprise!"
• Order every romantic, tear-inducing movie available on Netflix.
• Go out to eat where you will likely see kissing, hugging and general stomach-turning behavior.
• After drinking a few glasses of wine, send anything to an ex. This includes a Halloween dagger covered in fake blood or a text/e-mail professing your undying
love.
• Gloat to your single friends about the glorious, romantic day you have planned.
• Drink so much that your date becomes your designated driver and the evening highlights revolve around you dancing on tables and passing out.
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