Jackson Free Press

Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by two members of the McBride family: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride, and attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, myself and I. This is their story."

(Law and Order in an S.U.V. graphic appears.)

Cootie McBride: "I just heard the dispatcher say something about another 'Ladies in Church Hats Praise Patrol' rebuke and beatdown session at Rev. Cletus' church. Let's investigate the matter."

(Cootie and Dudley arrive on the scene.)

Cootie: "Good day, Sista Church Hat! I see that the praise patrol has rounded up a couple of suspects. Is everything OK?"

Sista Church Hat: "It is well with my soul, Cootie. These two unemployed men tried to steal food from the church's pantry."

Dudley (addressing unemployed men): "Gentlemen, does it make any sense to steal food from a church?"

Unemployed Man 1: "I guess it makes sense when you have bills to pay and mouths to feed."

Unemployed Man 2: "The 'Debbil' made us do it."

Cootie: "I believe both of you gave Officer Dudley the wrong answer."

Dudley: "They will either go to a Bible study, a 'Rebuke, Beatdown and Repentance Session' or an exorcism as punishment."

Cootie: "They're desperate men living in dire times—probably their first offense. Sista Church Hat, could you turn the other cheek?"

Sista Church Hat: "I'll turn the other cheek after these men attend the church's three-hour mid-afternoon bible study."

Doink, doink!