Jackson Free Press

Congressman Smokey "Robinson" McBride: "Despite reports of a world economic downturn, political unrest in Iran, pop celebrities ridiculing and beating up each other, and the divorce of John and Kate plus Eight, the citizens of the Ghetto Science community continue to progress in these unusual times. I'm very proud of the development that has happened since the Ghetto Science Department of Transportation received its stimulus funding.

"The Ghetto Rapid Transit System, managed by Rev. Cletus, has hired Inspector 'Beat Down' Lipscomb and the Sista Church Hat Praise Patrol as security contractors for the GRTS. This security team will patrol every bus stop in the ghetto. With this security measure in place, seniors, the disabled and the entire community will be safe and secure from any harm while riding the efficient fleet of Double Dutch Church Buses.

"Furthermore, we're gathered at the Clubb Chicken Wing Multi-Purpose Complex for the grand opening of Ghetto Community Rapid Transit Station 2009. This station will serve as the transportation hub of the Ghetto Science community. Several Double Dutch Church buses will provide round-the-clock transportation service to various parts of the city and inside the ghetto.

"The 'Ride to Work' Shuttle Buses will take you to your job, day or night. The Funky Ghetto Mall Shuttle Bus provides a round-trip ride to your favorite shopping spot. Get on board the Weekend Clubb Chicken Wing and Sunday Worship Shuttle buses. And remember to pay the bus fare!"