Jackson Free Press

Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal justice system the people are represented by associate-in-training Sista Encouragement and two members of the McBride family: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride, and attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I. This is their story."

Sista Encouragement: "Dispatcher says a terrified Caucasian woman is stranded at the Funky Ghetto Mall. And she claims that two African American males kidnapped her 9-year-old daughter."

Cootie: "Let's jump in the SUV and investigate this matter."

Dudley: "Could it be another Charles Stuart, Massachusetts 1989 case? He murdered his wife and blamed a black man.

Cootie: "Maybe another Susan Smith, South Carolina 1994 case. She claimed that a black guy hijacked her car with her kids in it.

Sista Encouragement: "My brothers, why make such speculations and pre-judgments during this post-racial period?"

Dudley: "What post-racial period? We need to resolve this little ghetto issue before the media makes this case into a national issue."

(When the SUV crew arrives, a relieved Caucasian woman reunites with her daughter inside Mr. Habib's convenience store across the street.)

Cootie: "Another case of Anegrophobia. Lady makes a wrong turn, stops to get gas at convenience store and realizes she's in the ghetto, daughter goes inside to play video game with another child, and lady freaks out."

Sista Encouragement: "This Anegrophobia is like a mental illness."

Dudley: "And we live in a sick society."

Doink, doink!