Jackson Free Press

Congressman Smokey "Robinson" McBride: "Greetings, Ghetto Science community! I am proud to announce that our stimulus package has come!

"The funds from the stimulus package will help Drs. Marcus 'Welby' and Ben 'Casey' McBride manage and operate the Ghetto Science Medical Center for Broke Folk. It will also be used to improve ghetto infrastructure, such as those nagging pothole problems at the Funky Ghetto Mall.

"Rev. Cletus made a joyful noise, followed by a praise dance, when he heard that the Ghetto Science Department of Transportation will receive a financial boost to keep the Double Dutch Church Bus Transit System for financially challenged commuters going.

"Funding from the ghetto stimulus package will enable the Let Me Hold Five Dollars national bank and insurance companies to loan people money again. Senior citizens and children will also jumpstart each day with a nutritious breakfast because the Qweem-o-Wheat Food Bank Foundation received stimulus funding. Funds allotted to Brotha and Aunt Tee Tee Hustle's Small Business and Technology program and Hair Did University's Post-Secondary Education Foundation will help produce future entrepreneurs and highly skilled workers for the digital age.

"And the remaining money will go to the Green in the Ghetto Alternative Energy and Refurbished Hybrid Hoopty initiatives to create jobs for frustrated, unemployed individuals who've turned to stealing from their poor neighbors.

"Forget the monkey business of racially insensitive newspapers and spiteful naysayers! Our time has come!"