Jackson Free Press

Rev. Cletus: "Blessings to all who endure tough times in an economic recession! This is your car-sales pastor broadcasting on Ghetto Science Satellite Radio. I have a shameless plug in the form of a riddle for my devoted listeners: What has a 5.0 V8 Cleveland engine, a rebuilt transmission and a 1997 Volvo body?

"If you said the 2009 Rev. Cletus Edition Hybrid Hoopty for the common person, you're right! Come on down to Rev. Cletus Car Sales and let one of my deacons put you in the driver seat.

"It's time for my favorite segment of the radio broadcast. Sista Encouragement is here to lift up your spirits with a brief commentary."

Sista Encouragement: "Somewhere in the book of Revelation, it talks about 'the beginning of sorrows.' Maybe that's why I see news commentators, analysts, and talk-radio hosts weepin' and wailin' about the stock market, stimulus packages and bank bailouts. Meanwhile, poor folk smile, adjust and keep on pushin'.

"Financially challenged individuals have nothing to lose but the chains of poverty and apathy. Rich folk, however, have everything to lose! Just ask those folk victimized by that man named Madoff who made off with all of their savings.

"What I'm saying is that rich and poor folk should refer to the verse that says, 'Weepin', wailin', gripes, moans and complaints may endure for a few months, but joy comes with the stimulus package working in full effect, baby!' Be blessed and not stressed!