Jackson Free Press

Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to the motivational portion of Hair Did University's fall semester orientation. Our guest speaker is Smokey 'Robinson' McBride, representative of Ghetto Science Team District No. 1042 and 2/8."

Smokey 'Robinson' McBride: "As you begin another year of education at HDU, be aware of the current and forthcoming issues: protests of escalated rage spreading like wildfire in the forest of discontent; Orwellian-like journalists planting open microphones in the fertile soil of private moments to record sound bites that twitter into a universe of social-network and tabloid-television shows …"

Operation White Backlash protester (yells): "You lie, Smokey!"

While the audience boos, two members of the Ladies in Church Hats Usher and Security Squad rebuke and beat down the protester with their 10-ounce leather purses.

Smokey 'Robinson' McBride: "As I was saying, don't get caught up in the confusion and chaos. Be informed, think critically and clearly and stand up for yourselves. Acquire knowledge and assert yourselves to achieve great things. Don't give in to doubt and fear. And most of all, let the recent incident with the protester be a teachable moment. Just remember these words from the Staple Singers' classic song titled 'Respect Yourself': 'If you disrespect anybody that you run into, how in the world you think anybody going to respect you?'

"Also remember that anyone who disrespects a Ghetto Science Team representative will be seriously dealt with by members of the Ladies in Church Hats Usher and Security Squad. They don't play that!"