Jackson Free Press

Dear Diary,
I have a serious concern about how I am serving my community. I am ashamed about how I've enabled my financially challenged customers to consume processed foods from my Pork-N-Piggly supermarkets.

Today I saw a lady at the checkout counter with a shopping cart filled with 20 pounds of meat, three dozen eggs, four loaves of bread, 15 microwavable frozen dinners and snacks, eight cans of mixed veggies, several bags of chips, six gallons of juice, three gallons of milk, two bottles of soda and a gallon of Cootie Creek County Spring Water. This was enough to feed her family for a month. She paid for the food items with her WIC voucher and pre-paid debit card.

I asked her how she felt about feeding her family all that processed food she purchased. She replied: "I may be financially challenged and on welfare, but I am somebody who will have plenty of processed food to eat."

I feel so guilty about selling my customers food products made from genetically modified organisms (GMOs). It bothers my conscience to know that my customers eat meat injected with growth hormones. And the words of Rev. Vegan of the Vegetarian Church, International, echo loudly in my mind: "If there is something wrong with the cows, what about the milk?"

I must go now to the organic-foods isle to promote Bubba Robinski's Barbeque Tofu Strips. They're quite tasty.

Sincerely,
Ernest "Monday Night Football Head" Walker
Pork-N-Piggly Supermarkets, Inc.