Jackson Free Press

Rev. I.M. Vegan: "Welcome to the Vegetarian Church's 'Save the Water and Food Supply in the Ghetto' National Conference. First, allow me to acknowledge the distinguished representatives of the Ghetto Science Team's ecological committee: Rev. Bean Sprout, Dr. Peanut, Preacher Pork Chop, Bubba Robinski, Qweem-O-Wheat, Edward 'Monday Night Football Head' Walker, Jojo, Momma Root Doctor, Grandma and Grandpa Pookie, Chef Fat Meat, and Big Roscoe.

"There's no better time than now to raise our concern about the possible water and food contamination in the poorest areas of this nation. Many of you may say to yourselves, 'Here's another conspiracy theory!' I still hold fast to a question regarding 'Mad Cow' disease: 'If something is wrong with the cow, what about the milk?'

"For me and the ecological and dietary committee, the proof of contaminated water and food supply seems to be in the pudding, cheese, Kool-aid, hamburger, hot wings, barbeque sauce, veggies, fruits, alcohol, water, etc. Personally, I think there is something in the water and food supply that make politicians cheat on their spouses, make athletes hide weapons in a locker room, make party crashers sneak into a White House gathering, make senators interrupt the president, make innocent bystanders watch a perpetrator physically violate an innocent victim, and make a South Carolina lieutenant governor associate poor people with stray animals.

"Perhaps it's the mainstream media.

"If we don't save the water and food supply that affects the poor, society will be in deep trouble. We are what we eat!