Jackson Free Press

Mr. Whooty Whoot Man: "Good morning! And welcome to the 'Mr. Whooty Whoot' television show. This program is brought to you by a tiny grant from the Poor Ghetto Children's Television Network. Additional funding is brought to you by the Ghetto Science Team's Community Stimulus and the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank (L.M.H.F.D.N.B.).

"Boys and girls, it's time for our word of the day: cope. It's something older people suffer with when things seem to be really bad. It's like when your mommy or daddy must cope with being unemployed. They must cope with eating at the dinner table in shame, but thankful for the little bit of food they have. They must cope with paying bills. They must cope until the politicians make things better.

"But why must poor children cope with the plight of their parents? I don't have the answer, but I do hope that I don't have to cope with any more foolishness from mean, selfish and greedy people.

"That's my rant for today, children. Sometimes one must deal with the hand he or she has been dealt. Like the lady from the 'Romper Room' show, I have my mystical magic 'Whooty Whoot' mirror. Let's see what we must cope with.

"Magic mirror, please tell me. Magic mirror, what will I see? Magic mirror, what's happening today? Will we poor folk survive this day?

"The magic mirror says, 'No news is good news, and have a Whooty Whooooooot day!'"