Earnest "Monday Night Football Head" Walker: "Attention, Pork-N-Piggly shoppers: Now that the elections are over, it's time to enjoy the holiday seasons. As chief executive officer of Pork-N-Piggly supermarkets, I am happy to announce the start of the Chitterling (Chit-lin) Holiday Season. This is the time of the year when businesses create a festive and cheerful atmosphere to influence consumers to spend their hard-earned dollars.
"During the Chitterling Holiday Season, Pork-N-Piggly's meat, poultry and deli departments are ready to meet—no pun intended—your needs by providing every meat product from the rooter to the tooter.
"What would the Chitterling Holiday Season be like without Chief Crazy Brother's dazzling and dramatic display of Native American Art and his controversial one-man performances of ‘Weeping and Wailing on the Trail of Tears' and ‘All We Got Out of the Real Estate Deal Were Hotels, Casinos and Reservations.'
"Speaking of art, Brother Sylvester, our resident ‘Christmas Missing Toe' artist, will exhibit his new holiday-season artwork. Be sure to view and/or purchase copies of his most recent and controversial holiday paintings titled: ‘All I Want for Christmas is a Job' and ‘Portrait of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party Guy'.
"Pork-N-Piggly supermarkets are happy to have Nurse Tootie McBride and her Licensed Nurse Practitioner squad administering flu shots and weekly high blood pressure and diabetes screenings during Chitterling Holiday Season.
"On behalf of my dedicated Pork-N-Piggly supermarket staff, I wish the financially challenged community a healthy and economical Chitterling Holiday Season."
More like this story
More stories by this author
Support our reporting -- Follow the MFP.
