Jackson Free Press

Smokey "Robinson" McBride: "Greetings, fellow members of the Ghetto Science community. I want to thank you for your support and tolerance during my term as congressman for the Ghetto Science Team District 7 and 2/3rds. As you know, election time is right around the corner. And I'm here to give a friendly reminder about the progress made under my administration.

"A year and a half ago, the Ghetto Science Community received a generous stimulus grant from the government. I made sure that my administrative staff distributed the stimulus grant money fairly and equally to fund and continue the successful operation of businesses, schools, financial institutions, infrastructure projects, transportation, etc. We stretched that dollar and made it holler, and pinched that penny until it said ‘Ouch!'

"My administration's management of the grant money enabled a business like Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church to make plenty of affordable hybrid hoopty cars. The money also helped compensate Rev. Cletus' deacon mechanics for the repair of Double Dutch church buses for our Ghetto Rapid Transit System. Look at how far Hair Did University School of Cosmetology has come: The education stimulus money turned this beauty school into an accredited vocational college. And have you noticed how our infrastructure has improved? No more uneven and cracked sidewalks or pothole-ridden parking lots at the Funky Ghetto Mall, thanks to the stimulus grant.

"Please remember that progress is a process. Therefore, I need your support in the upcoming election to make this process progress even more."