Jackson Free Press

Mr. Announcement: "On this episode of ‘All God's Churn Got Shoes', the Cootie Creek County School Board spends long hours contemplating cutbacks on various education programs within the school system. Let's eavesdrop in on this board meeting to see what will happen."

School Board President: "Members of the Cootie Creek County School Board, we're definitely at a crossroads. Our school system is operating at a deficit. I mean we're so poor we don't know what to do anymore. So I called on a couple of corporate super heroes to help us decide the fate of Cootie Creek County schools."

Board Member No. 1: "I guess we're waiting on ‘Superman' to come save the day."
Board Member No. 2: "Look down the hallway."
Board Member No. 3: "It's a pink slip."
Board Member No. 4: "It's a mass firing."
Board Member No. 5: "It's a corporation-wide lay off."
School Board President: "No. It's our man with the plan, Captain Cutback."

(Captain Cutback and Price Gouger enter the board room.)

Captain Cutback: "It's a no-brainer, folks: cutback and privatize. A school board must do what a school board must do. Students should create, play and eat on their free time. Keep all science, history, language and technology courses, and get rid of those useless arts, sports and lunch programs for the poor kids."

Price Gouger: "Captain Cutback, we must cut this meeting short. We're late for Sarah Palin's Tea Party Rally After Party."