Jackson Free Press

Rev. Cletus: "It's time for the 'Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church' morning show radio broadcast. Wake up, get up, and go out. Remember: This is the day the Lord has made. So rejoice and be glad you have a job and you're able to pay your bills and get around in a Rev. Cletus hybrid-hoopty car. Before I go on with the show, Momma Church Hat has 'The Bird's Eye View Traffic Report,' live from her Praise-The-Lord-O-Copter."

Momma Church Hat: "From my perspective, the highways, byways and side streets look pretty rough today. Folks are late for work trying to get to work. Mr. Habib's convenience store gas station has become a parking lot with folk impatiently waiting and lined up to get $4-a-gallon gas. Anyone buying gas from that BP gas station below deserves a discount. It looks like that isn't happening. On the main expressway, it's bumper-to-bumper traffic.

"Oh my Lord. An owner of a Lexus is out of gas and has parked his luxury car on the side of the expressway. I hope the emergency-response vehicle has enough gas for that Lexus and the other five cars. You know times are rough when some people in gridlock traffic dare to clean windshields for gas money. I don't think the Lord is happy about this mess, Rev. Cletus."

Rev. Cletus: "Momma Church Hat, your traffic report reminds me of a modern day version of the 'Tower of Babel' story. Lord, have mercy."