Jackson Free Press

Rev. Cletus: "This is your car sales pastor bringing you the Car Sales Church radio broadcast. I have a great show for you today, but first, I must go to my on-the-scene and bird's-eye-view traffic report with Momma Church Hat, live from the Praise-the-Lord-O-Copter.

"Say what needs to be said, and tell the people what they need to know, Momma."

Momma Church Hat: "Pastor, all I see is a bumper-to-bumper and potential mass-accident mess. Construction work has shut down two inbound and outbound traffic lanes. A couple of cars have run out of gas and pulled off to the roadside. Drivers rubberneck while passing by a state trooper writing up another driver for an illegal lane change. A lady in a Lexus has a flat tire and waits for the roadside assistance vehicle. Everybody is late for work. And while tail pipes of cars stuck in traffic fill the air with toxic fumes from gas and diesel engines, the good Lord shakes his head and says, ‘My people, my people.'"

Rev. Cletus: "To make matters worse, the price of gasoline and food is high, unrest and revolution continue in the Middle East and Egypt, and union workers in Wisconsin must fight for their livelihoods and benefits.

"Remember, Momma Church Hat: Those who endure to the end shall be saved. At least folk can ride off with a blessing by purchasing a reliable and inexpensive hybrid hoopty from Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church.

"Amen."