Jackson Free Press

Brother Hustle: "Welcome to the Compensatory Investment Request School of Business and Entrepreneurship class titled 'Beg-O-Nomics 101' or 'How to Acquire Capital for Your Business.' This class is a prerequisite for the 'Hustler International Street Vendor' class and 'Aunt Tee Tee's Internet Solution Online Business' class.

"I know why all of you are here: You're unemployed, broke and desperate. Every day, I witness the current plight of the middle and poor classes through television, newspaper, online blogs and talk radio. And thanks to a 18th-century French politician named Honore de Mirabeau, I know about four ways of living in society: beg, borrow, steal or get a job.

"At the Compensatory Investment Request School of Business and Entrepreneurship, students must master the craft of accumulating capital for their prospective businesses. In 'Beg-O-Nomics 101,' students will learn how to acquire capitol (or hustle some money) from the rich.

"The class starts with students learning business planning and marketing strategies, followed by brief lessons about using imagery, articulation and written communication to get enough start-up capital for the business. Sales demonstration and pitch drills will allow students to rehearse their presentations to potential money donors. Final lessons in capitalizing on capital teach students how to spend their newly acquired funds.

"Avoid the hassle of borrowing money, serving prison time and looking for employment. Learn the art of gaining capital through Beg-O-Nomics. If the bankers, CEOs and private corporations can do it, so can you.

"Let's get this class started."