Jackson Free Press

Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal justice system, the people are represented by two members of the McBride family: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall, Dudley ‘Do-Right' McBride; and attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I. This is their story."

Dudley: "Dispatcher called us to counter the conspiracy to destroy young ghetto boys at Cootie Creek County Middle School. Concerned and angry parents have staged a heated protest on school grounds. They're mad at principal Meen-O-Whitman Jr. He singled out young ghetto boys for the school's low standardized test scores. We need to investigate."

Cootie: "Remember the time, about 35 years ago, when our elementary school principal, Meen-O-Whitman Sr., called our third grade class a bunch of ‘smart dummies'?"

Dudley: "I remember it like yesterday."

Cootie: "One would think a new generation of educators, like the principal and teachers at Cootie Creek County Middle School, would discover or create better ways to motivate children."

Dudley: "And I remember how things got better for us ghetto kids after those inner city uprisings. We had new group of teachers who treated us with sincerity, dignity and respect."

Cootie: "This incident we're about to investigate reminds me of what the late James Brown sang: ‘Don't give me denigration; give me true communication. Don't give me sorrow. I want equal opportunity to live tomorrow.'"

Dudley: "Cootie, I'm motivated. Let's get in the law ‘n' order SUV and TCB (take care of business)."

Doink, doink.