Jackson Free Press

Psychologist Judy McBride: "Dr. Silas P. Rathbone asked me to counsel the newly unemployed and unskilled workers who use the services of the 'Oh Lord Have Mercy I Really Need a Good Paying Job Center for Unemployment.' He also informed me that most of you suffer from Post Traumatic Unemployed Stress Disorder.

"What you are experiencing today is part of a 30-year plan to render you helpless, hopeless and compliant. A lot of you wished you saw this plan coming. But how could you be forewarned when you were too mesmerized by the greed aspect of capitalism? You waited anxiously for the money to trickle down into your consuming hands, only the government gave tax breaks to wealthy folk and too-big-to-fail corporations. You fell for that trick and are now treated like economic outcasts undeserving of a good education, job, home or life.

"I realize that your current situation is hard to take, but do not be despondent. Remember that life is a period of adjustments. I suggest you adjust by becoming critical thinkers and challenging the motives of predatory capitalism. Also, think about acquiring the skills you need to get back to work and readjust your traumatized and stress-filled life.

"I know it's like a jungle sometimes, but allow me, Dr. Rathbone, and the dedicated staff of the 'Oh Lord Have Mercy I Really Need a Good Paying Job Center for Unemployment' show you how to keep from going under. Ah huh-huh-huh!"