Jackson Free Press

Why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can.

Now, I'm not saying Barbour pardoned more than 200 criminals just because he could, but he's not talking, which leaves the field wide open for speculation. He might have some valid reasons. It's not like Barbour has a reputation for being frivolous.

Here's one theory that holds some water, at least for the trustys: He's, um, giving them a reason not to talk about things they saw at the mansion. What could they have seen? Glad you asked. Here are a few possibilities:

• The pop-up headquarters for the U.S. Chamber.
• A secret report: "How tort reform defunds Democrats."
• FEMA trailers.
• The opposition research that kept Barbour from running for prez.
• Phil Bryant's cowboy boots.
• A raucous game of strip Twister.
• The original playbook for the Southern Strategy.
• A Democrat.
• Marsha ripping him a new one for backing down on Personhood.
• Two words: Maker's Mark.
• A Citizens Council meeting led by Sen. Lydia Chassaniol.
• They'd have to kill you if they told you.

What do you think?