Jackson Free Press

Cream-O-Wheat Man: "Greetings, black history enthusiasts. This is my favorite time of the year because I get to become a spokesperson for black history in America. Allow me to be your trusted guide as I share with you a Creamy Black History Moment.

"The story of Crispus Attucks (a black man who was one of the first martyrs of the American revolution) was passed on to me by my grandpa Cream-O-Wheat.

"My great, great granddaddy Cream-O-Wheat and Crispus Attucks worked as kitchen servants at a pub somewhere in colonial Boston. While serving hungry customers bowls of hot and creamy Cream-O-Wheat, they heard some commotion in the heart of the city.

"According to great, great granddaddy Cream-O-Wheat, the ruckus started after a crowd of American colonists confronted a sentry who fussed at a boy about his complaints that a British officer did not pay a barber's bill.

"The colonists threw snowballs at the soldiers, and a riot started like a hot pot of bubbling Cream-O-Wheat. Crispus Attucks wanted to join a group of armed colonists and fight the British soldiers.

"Great, great granddaddy Cream-O-Wheat warned Attucks that the conflict between the Americans and British was an 'A' and 'B' conversation, and that black slave servants need to 'C' their way out of this hoo-ha foolishness.

"Anyway, Attucks got involved with the angry colonists, and a British soldier shot him down. Thus, he became the first American casualty in the Boston Massacre of March 5, 1770.

"And the rest is Creamy Black History."