Jackson Free Press

Miss Doodle Mae: "Jojo surprised the staff today. During the monthly staff-appreciation morning meeting, he announced that all part-time and full-time staff of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store would receive a 'Cost of Living in the Ghetto' raise and a very affordable health-care plan. After a great wave of exuberant celebration, the staff calmed down to hear poignant words from the man with the plans in his hands."

Jojo: "I want to thank the staff for sticking with me through the lean years and good times. Today, it's your turn to experience the fruits of our collective labor in the forms of a decent wage and affordable health care. It's been a long time coming, and now a change has arrived.

"Will the 'Cost of Living in the Ghetto' raise affect loyal customers? No. Jojo's Discount Dollar Store will remain affordable. I also want to make health care more affordable and available to customers of the Ghetto Science Community.

"Starting this summer, isle 7 and 1/16 will become the Jojo's Discount Dollar Store's Community Health Department. Nurse Tootie McBride and her Nurse Practitioner Squad will administer monthly health screenings for blood pressure and diabetes. Also, in the pharmacy section, look out for new products such as the Weed out Marijuana Home Drug Test and the You Are the Baby's Father Pregnancy Test Kit.

"In the ghetto, everything is everything. At Jojo's Discount Dollar Store, health care is affordable."

Miss Doodle Mae: "A living wage and better health. What more can one ask?"