Jackson Free Press

Boneqweesha Jones: "Is it that time of the year again? It is at Hair Did University School of Cosmetology and Vocational Studies. This school year, H.D.U. will provide new and affordable continuing-education courses for financially challenged individuals.

"Look out for an exciting self-defense course titled 'Preemptive Discernment Against Violence and Terrorism.' Inspector 'Beat Down' Lipscomb will teach students how to preemptively spot and thwart any violent or terroristic attacks. Students will also learn how to conduct effective and preemptive search techniques for weapons and explosives. Also, co-instructors from the Ladies in Church Hats Security Squad will teach women how to use their purses like nunchucks in the Advanced Purse Beat Down session."

"Aunt Tee Tee Hustle is ready to share with the community her extensive knowledge of computer, tablet and smartphone cyber terrorism. Students will learn how to protect their devices from privacy invasion and cyber attacks. No more spam or hacked Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts.

"Get ready for our new health and wellness course titled 'Get Up Off That Thang: Electric Slide Dance and Aerobic Exercise for Unity.' Your instructors will be the legendary Sausage Sandwich Sisters, electric-slide ambassadors for world peace and rent money. Dee Jay 'Itch Gotta Scratch' will provide the music that will make you get up, move, groove and impress first lady Michelle Obama.

"I invite you to become a life-long learner and critical thinker by attending our affordable continuing education courses at Hair Did University, your community university."