Jackson Free Press

I really want to be joyous during the holidays. I do. I want to jump up when my alarm goes off and glide into the shower. I want to skip into work, listen to Christmas music and sing along.

I want to smile at the people who seem to have a hard time and make their day go easier. I want to post funny posts on social media that make people laugh and engage in how wonderful the season has been. I do. I want to be less emotional. I want to feel overjoyed. I want to be in the holiday spirit.

However, I am filled with dread and disappointment. I am sad and melancholy. I am stressed and hard on myself because I can't shake the funk even as I know it's there. I can't seem to move my emotions to a happier place. Truly, it pisses me off.

I've been paying very close attention to these emotions this year in an effort to move past them. I've noticed that many people are going through this. Whether it's the loss of loved ones or the lack of family being around, it seems that people are struggling this year to find some Christmas delight. Some aren't in the best financial situations, which makes them dread shopping for loved ones. Some are just unable to separate the horrible year of 2016 from the holiday season.

Aside from holiday depression and seasonal affective disorder, I think it's just the heaviness of letting go of one year and trying to prepare for what's coming that lends to most of the unease—for me, anyway. For some reason, it is necessary for me to let go of the outgoing year in order to move with freedom into the new year. Whatever worked, I'll store it in my spirit. And what didn't? I like to free that space up and replace it with that which can bring success and growth going forward.

That means, though, that in a four-week time frame, I have to decompress all that has happened in the previous 11 months and then weigh it all out into something that makes sense to my soul. That's a huge feat to undergo and basically makes me unable to connect to anything else during that time frame.

I am useless emotionally during that time. The heartache, disappointments, hurt and failures of that year accompany the burden of release. Yes, there are good things—great things, too. But those things don't tend to require the amount of work as the "not so good" things.

It helps to have great people around who know you well enough to know that this is the same time of year that things seem to get hard for you.

For me, it's been this way since my mother transitioned on Nov. 30, 2010. Some of my friends know this, and they try to help me through it. But my beautiful daughter doesn't know. All she knows is it's Christmas and Kwanzaa time, so she expects her mother to share in her eagerness. I'm thankful for her because I often wonder if I'd be able to get out of bed or leave the house if it were not for her and my desire to see her happy and joyous.

I realize that people don't want to walk around looking sad-faced. No one wants to be bombarded with questions. No one wants to be triggered into tears they already spent the entire day trying to keep at bay. But, just a little time, a hug here or there can truly bless someone who is caught in a depressive mind state.

Be attentive to the people around you. Even if you don't have any words of encouragement or if you aren't in the best place yourself, sometimes a random act of kindness is all it takes to help get someone back on track.

It's not always in your face. Some people have lived many years masking moments of depression, but I promise you, they have moments where they can't hide or pretend. Deep down, it helps to know that someone sees and someone cares.

The holiday season should be merry for everyone. The fact is, though, not everyone is feeling merry and bright. So be in the holiday spirit and keep your heart open to those who might be missing someone, overworked, stressed out, far away from their families, losing their jobs, etc.

Holidays are about being together with those who love you and peace to all mankind. Be peaceful to those who struggle to find peace this time of year.

Funmi "Queen" Franklin is a word lover, poet, a truth yeller and community activist. She is the founder of an organization that promotes self-love, awareness and sisterhood.