Jackson Free Press

Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit: police officer and part-time security guard at the Funky Ghetto Mall Dudley 'Do-Right' McBride; attorney Cootie McBride of the law firm McBride, Myself and I; and associate peace officers Inspector 'Beatdown' Lipscomb and Sister 'Lady' Church Hat of the 'Praise Patrol.' This is their story."

(In a new "Law-N-Order SUV," the peace officers are headed to the "Fine Young Progressives Anti-Hate, Racism and Bigotry Protest and Rally" at Cootie Creek County Community College. Also at the rally is "The Cootie Creek Chapter of Alt-Right White 
Nationalists.")

Dudley 'Do Right' McBride: "I'm not happy about us peace-keeping at the rally. What happened to 'Turn the other cheek,' 'Those who live by the sword, die by the sword,' and 'Don't start nothing, won't be nothing?'"

Sister, 'Lady' Church Hat: "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. I guess the 'Fine Young Progressives' have decided that now is the time to stand up to the maliciousness of hate, racism and bigotry."

Inspector 'Beatdown' Lipscomb: "So, now that they see the light, it's time for them to stand up for their rights."

(As the Law-N-Order SUV approaches the rally, a speeding van misses protesters and counter protesters and crashes into the Cootie Creek County Community College's General Buford Beauregard Confederate Statue.)

Cootie McBride: "This is getting spooky."

Doink, doink.